Advertisements
Advertisements
I am interested in the relationships the fosterparents build with their foster children's Bio Parents when the goal is (and always will be) reunification?
We have had 6 long-term foster children (3 separate cases) in which the goal was reunification and they ended up (one case is almost there) going home. We build really strong bonds with their birth parents and had them over for dinner, holidays, birthdays, etc. I talk to our current foster childrens birth mom several times a week via phone and email and we are having her over to our home for Easter.
Our social worker and people we work with on this case like this but always tell us this is unsual in the foster care world.....Is it?
Like
Share
Yes, I think it's unusual. I do talk to our BPs on the phone, usually a couple times/week. I text and/or email. I would/have met for coffee, etc. I've even driven one BP to a family planning meeting and to court. I wouldn't have them over to my house (probably, never say never!).
I think there is a huge fear of BPs out there. My goal is to never make the BP feel like I know better or be an overt mentor (the BP in our current case is older and has 6 kids, so it wouldn't go well). But my goal is to build a trust and relationship so the child will feel more comfortable in their situation. Also this helps with the triangulation issue. Our current FS loves to try to triangulate, but I just call BM and we talk about it. Now, all I have to say is "are you sure you want me to call your mom?" and he adjusts his story!
Like
Share
Advertisements
Fostermoms910
Our social worker and people we work with on this case like this but always tell us this is unsual in the foster care world.....Is it?
I've never gone that far...and wouldn't.
Contact has varied in my placements. In one voluntary placement, the parent had my number (name and address) and could call 1x per day. Frankly, that turned out to not be the smartest move, since she got into trouble stealing a car and planned to pick up her child while she was on the run. Worked out in the end, but still was a headache.
Another placement, the kids were kidnap risk. Not only could the family not have contact, but the kids had been placed out of state, and we had to take extreme precautions to keep their identity hidden. (Parent in jail, and had even broken out in an attempt to get the kids back...and not for a warm happy reunion.)
In another, I filtered most contact via the agency. The given reason was distance and that I don't give out my private information. But frankly, with the history I prefer all contact to be in the presence of trained professionals. However, that was enough contact that when the child came back, there was an initial voluntary placement with me.
In another case, I'll be honest, I just didn't want to deal with the parent's level of need. CI disability was involved and the "I wants..." at the first meeting were just more than I could handle on top of parenting challenging kids. I filtered contact through the agency from then on.
One thing, though, none of my placements have been successfully reunified. One reunification, which wasn't successful. The voluntary placement ended up with another county's DSS and lost custody.
Like
Share