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I know I may be posting in the wrong area, but I was wondering if I could get some advice from women who have placed a child for adoption. I am a 26yr. old adoptee, and was finally reunited with my birthmom for the first time last week. I never imagined just how weird and awkward our first meeting would be. I guess I expected it to be much more heart warming than it was. There were no tears, only a quick hug and a few laughs. I guess I always pictured it being much more emotional. I unfortunately located my birthmom on facebook and messaged her that I had received her name through social services. She replied back that she was shocked that I finally found her and didn't know what to say. We have talked briefly but I feel like I am invading her life. I just thought that she would be more excited to know me. I should disclose that I am a product of rape, and that it was very hard for her to tell me. I told her that I admire her even more for giving me up for adoption after such a terrible ordeal. I explained that I was raised by amazing parents and had a wonderful life. That I am married and have a wonderful husband. I told her how much I appreciate all that she did for me. That she suffered so I could have a better life. I am trying to make this as easy as possible for her, but I feel like the adult in the situation and it bothers me. I guess I just need to slow down, and let her become comfortable. I am just so excited! I never imagined how drawn I would be to her. I have an amazing mother (adopted) and have never wanted to replace that...but as I said goodbye to my birthmom after our meeting, I became so sad. I felt this amazingly weird bond that I just wasn't ready to let go of. Any advice would be much appreciated and I apologize for the late night rambling.
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I am sorry your reunion did not go as well as you hoped. I wonder if your birthmom needed more time to deal with the hurt of the past as somehow reunion brings you back to the time you made the decision to place your baby up for adoption. I am sure it is no reflection on you as a person and hope you do not feel rejected at this point.
Perhaps the reunion brought her back to the time when she felt great pain. Some people can deal with all these emotions and some can not. You did very well for yourself and your Birthmother by allowing the chance of a relationship. It is truly her loss.
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Remember that while you were having a great life, she may have been facing a lot of difficult times. Chances are her emotions have nothing to do with you but with old ghosts she may have thought would never resurface. Be patient, pray for her, and celebrate the fact that now you have found her. My sons bmom died this past week and I am sad that he will never know her. He is 7mo, she was 22. Please don't let her pain and emotions ruin this for you. My prayers are with you.
Remember that while you were having a great life, she may have been facing a lot of difficult times. Chances are her emotions have nothing to do with you but with old ghosts she may have thought would never resurface. Be patient, pray for her, and celebrate the fact that now you have found her. My sons bmom died this past week and I am sad that he will never know her. He is 7mo, she was 22. Please don't let her pain and emotions ruin this for you. My prayers are with you.
I'm a birth mother and found reunion tough enough without my son being a product of rape. If my family had had their way I would have had an abortion and his father didn't care so walked as he didn't want to raise a child at that point.
The first time I met my son it was very awkward and painful so maybe that's how your birth mom felt. Reunion has a tendency to bring up painful memories from the past so the best advise I can give is give her time.