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Hi everyone! I'm looking for a bit of help/advice...roughly 15 years ago my cousin gave her baby boy up for adoption. He contacted me via Facebook last year and we've messaged back and forth every once in a while since then. He seems like a very troubled young man, from what he's told me, and what I've seen on FB, he has a very strained relationship with his adoptive family (he only found out he was adopted a couple years ago so that may have something to do with it).
I've been very careful about what I say in my replies to him, making it clear that I want contact with him but I feel equally responsible for protecting both him, and our family...in that I wanted to make sure everyone was ready for him to be back in our lives and that he understood the magnitude of contacting his birth family...in some messages it sounds like he just wants new guys to party with. There seems to be a lot of drinking and drugs going on with him.
My biggest concern right now is that earlier this evening I got a message from him saying that his adoptive family took him to court and signed some sort of paperwork that relinquished their parental responsibilities towards him. I know they've been having a rough time, but I don't know if that's even possible considering he's only 16?!? He's given me his phone number and asked me to call or text asap and that he needs "his real family back".
I want to help him, my family fostered him for a year before the adoption and I've always considered him to be a little brother...but I'm worried that he's lying about things and potentially using his biological family as a way to act out against his adoptive family. I honestly do not know what to do. Do I call either of his moms? I don't know the whole story behind his problems at home so I feel like someone needs to talk to his adoptive mother, but I don't want him to feel like I'm betraying him...please help!!!
Thank you!
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I disagree with Raven. I think you should contact his adoptive mother. If you want to find out the truth of what he is telling you, and really have a chance to evaluate the situation...why would you talk to his birthmom? It doesn't seem like this is a good time for him to reunite with his birthmother.... before getting her involved, why don't you check the validity of his story? If what he is saying is true, then yes, tell his birthmother. But if it isn't, his adoptive parents need to be aware and need to take control of the situation.
I did answer on your other thread and I think that you should talk to your own parents first. After all, they did foster him for a year. Perhaps they may be able to talk to his parents. At the least, they may be able to offer some advice. It does seem a lot for a young person to deal with on her own (I'm talking about you now).