My bmom calls me by my birthname.

Yes - because that would be my first name... You should be the one to say whether it is okay with you...no one else can really make that decision for you...you have own it... Kind regards,Dickons

Your choice. It wouldn't bother me. My bmom called me by the name she gave me for 40 plus years. It would be tough to turn that switch off (but she did). If it doesn't bother you, then that's fine. As far as your amom goes, I understand her feelings, but the relationship is about you and your bmom. I don't want to minimize her feelings, but as you navigate this new relationship, you don't need someone else interjecting what they think. As your relationship progresses, it may be easier for her to see you as who you are, and adapt to the name you have.

I wouldn't be so fond of being called a different name myself, but that's not important. What IS important is how YOU feel about being called by the name your bio-mom gave you. If YOU don't mind, then I say let it be.

From an Amom's POV, what an interesting topic! We didn't change our older son's first name and our younger son has a name that is a nickname of his birthname, but our daughter's name is changed completely. I wonder, of our three, who will have the toughest time with our decision? And the truth is everyone is different so they might ALL - or all might not - have an issue. :) Good luck.

Another Aparent point of view. . . Our son was placed for adoption with us two days after he was born, and we haven't finalized yet (he's two months old). His first mom gave him his first name, and my DH and I each gave him a name as well (he has a long name.) We call him one thing, she call's him by the name she gave--or actually a shortened version of the name she gave him. Not a problem for us. . .that's her special name for him. When we communicate with her in writing, I usually call him by the name we call him, and put her name in parentheses. It's really up to you what you feel comfortable with. . .I imagine it's an awkward situation for your amom. . .it will probably take her more time to be comfortable with a lot of things about your reunion. Good luck to all of you.

Thank you so much for all of these comments. I love that I can come here for advice on such a sensitive topic. I'm still struggling with how I feel on this topic (and many others) IDK Meeting my birthmom has released so many emotions and questions it's crazy. I think i'm leaning towards letting her call me by my birth name though. My Afamily won't like it one bit but I've been looking for their approval and wanting to please them so much that I'm not looking at how I feel about things... Thanks so much for your help.

I didn't change my kids first names when we adopted them, but I did change their last names. I am trying to think with my gut here as to how your amom might be feeling - and her reasons why, and maybe reasons you might want to at least consider or acknowledge. I think from an amom perspective, she might be feeling like your bmom is trying to "rewind" their entire lifetime with you. You were "birth name" but then you were adopted into another family, had an entire life with them as "adoptive name". Amom might be feeling that it is very disrespectful of you (your reality is that you were not "birth name" because bmom relinquished you into an adoptive family) and she might be feeling it is very dismissive of their life with you - very disrespectful of your life, their life as your parents, who you are today because of them etc. By her calling you your birth name and not the name you have grown up with, it could maybe feel like she is ignoring reality. Amom could be feeling very discounted - like the last years didn't matter because suddenly you reunited and went back to being "birth name". Honestly, I think FOR ME, it would bother me. "Birth name" is a fantasy ... it's not your reality . And it might be ok to enjoy that fantasy for a while, but reality is you have had this whole other life, this whole other family, this life time of experiences as your name. Your birth name is a "baby" but not the reality of your situation as an adult. But that is just me :) and you are entitled to feel whatever the heck you want! :)

Bio Mom does that and I *hate* that. I am not Christian and she calls me "Christina". My name is NOT Christina and it makes me uncomfortable from more than one direction. Then again, it doesn't really matter anymore, because I am going to be losing touch with them as soon as humanly possible. Yes, I am going to do my best to "disappear"