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Hello everyone,
My husband and I started the journey in foster care over a year ago now. We took the PATH classes that we needed to take to get the child. The child was our nieces baby. She was addicted to drugs and used until she was 6 months preg. My husband's sister e-mailed us and asked us if we would like to adopt the baby. We were thrilled since we cannot have children. Like I said we took the required course got our home approved and all this time the baby was in MI in a foster home, that is where the niece lives. We went up to see and be with the baby over Labor Day 09 and we met my husband's sister and spent the whole day with the family. Unbeknown to us everything we said that day they turned it around and used it against us. We literally had to fight tooth and nail to get any cooperation from MI because as far as they were concerned the baby was in a good foster home and that is where he would stay. After fighting for over a year, we finally gave up last Dec. and the foster parents got the baby and they will adopt him very soon. Needless to say, we harbor pretty hurt feelings regarding all of this and I am holding so much in I thought maybe if I could talk to someone on the forums it would help. We are considering reopening our home to fostering again. We were only able to foster one child while we were in the process with the baby in MI. The caseworkers in TN would call us with all ages of children after we specifically requested a child under 5, and then when we didn't take them they used it against us and would not help us with the baby in MI anymore because we would not take foster children here in TN. I am really scared to reopen our home because I am afraid they will start trying to send us children of all ages and we would like to adopt through foster care as we really want a child. Does anyone have any suggestions what to say to the cw about the ages we want to foster etc..? Also the foster mom and dad are still in contact with us, they are wonderful people and would like us to have a relationship with the baby but sometimes it hurts so much just to see the things and pictures of him, is it a good idea to keep this relationship between the foster family and us?
Also, now I cannot tell my sister-in-law my true feelings because she has threatened me and said she would turn us in to CPS if I did say anything else regarding the baby to her, and I am afraid to say anything thinking it would harm our chances of getting a child.Can she do that? Thanks for letting me talk and air some feelings out.
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I don't really have any advice, but am in a similar situation. DSS in my nephew's state are treating us like villians. We did everything we were supposed to the minute we found out DSS was involved in Nephew's life. The CW makes up completely blatant lies about us, which are easily proven false with documentation that I diligently kept. We too came to a point where we had to step back away from the crazy. Our nephew isn't in a safe home yet, and that's very hard. I don't understand why the SIL would call CPS for you talking to her about the baby? It sounds like maybe you need to back off talking to SIL indefinitely. Or stick to the weather or Red Sox Scores or something unrelated to children until it passes. I've found there are people I cannot talk to ...people I thought were supportive. I got the "Why would you bring a drug exposed child into your house!?!" and then any time I mentioned Fire Inspections, or HomeStudy...they would give me the cold shoulder. From FRIENDS. I couldn't talk about the practicals, much less my FEELINGS. I've had to really just decide there were some people I could not talk to. It hurts. Maybe it's just too painful to her? I do have some good friends who have had the burden of taking on all my feelings :D I'll buy them dinner periodically to make up for being a huge sucking vortex of need. :DAlso coming here helps a lot. Hearing other people saying the same things, sharing the same feelings. There's a lot of support here, and maybe you won't need to talk to SIL about it anymore? Lots of luck and <<<HUGS>>>.
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I'm so very sorry *hugs*
Thank you for telling your story so candidly. Often we see frustrated foster parents here, fighting for "their" baby.
They are told stories about us relatives: that we are indifferent, undeserving, and just like the BPs. Its important for them to hear the truth.
it sonds like you need some distance from your SIL. Their drama is only harming your chance to heal.
As far as opening your home, I say do it! You can always say no to potential placements. I suspect you'll find your true forever child at some point. At which time, you'll be able to see your great nephew was the one who indirectly brought you together
thank you guys for the words of encourgement. after this happened we don't have much contact with the sister in law anymore except for seeing her post comments about the baby to the foster mom on facebook, it still hurts and I guess she thinks she did no wrong to us. My husband doesn't even talk to her anymore. When I said I wanted to tell her my true feelings which I already had she then told me she would take all the e-mails I wrote her and turn us in to CPS so that we couldn't get another child. That is what I was wondering if she could do? I don't want to harm our chances just because of her! But boy would I like to give her a piece of my mind! There is so much hurt still inside, maybe I think if we open our home again that hurt can begin to heal if we are helping another child. I think of all the kids still out there and hope there is one for us. We are not that young anymore but we sure would like a child in our lives. We have to make a decision before Nov. because our home was on a hold while we waited to see what would happen with my husband's great nephew. Thank you for giving me a place to vent where people understand what we are going through.