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I'm not sure what sort of information should be included in an introduction, which is surprising since I meet new people all the time. Nevertheless, I'm giving it a go as a means of emotionally flopping down, exhausted and energetically bankrupt at the help desk of a gigantic, staggering "mall" of adoption information and defeatedly, disheartenedly huffing, "Ok... ok, I give up... I admit it! We can't do it alone. We need help to find what we are looking for!"If that visual in anyway makes sense to you then you have a great jump on my introduction and all that remains are the formalities. My spouse of 12 years, Jonathan, and myself have been discussing on and off for years the idea of growing our family. The parental instinct keeps ringing some bell for attention, wherever it is, not so patiently waiting and has of late become incessant.The gardening helped for awhile. We planted beautiful things, loved and nurtured them, watched them grow and nursed them when sick, but eventually you realize no matter how much you talk to the roses they just aren't going to coo or giggle. Besides, the neighbors look at you funny for baby-talking to your flowers and veggies. :flower: The cats, while loving, affectionate and probably as conniving as a troubled teenager are surprisingly independent. While it can be tempting to think of a cat as your child, to do so would be a foolish endeavor for they are cunning and may vomit in your shoe. We are their slaves.AH HA! A dog! Surely, we thought, the labrador would silence the yammering of the parental instinct and suffice as a container for the love that overflowed between us! Ummm... yes and no. While we love our darling, doggy daughter, her development has undoubtedly reached its peak and we can contribute nothing more after the day she finally caught her tail as her life's purpose is now fulfilled.So there we were, still at a loss. Since the Humane Society flatly REFUSES to start a program for human puppies, we've turned to the great and powerful, all-knowing internet! OMG :eek: DO YOU KNOW how much information there is to try and sort through regarding becoming parents!?!?! As I said, we feel LOST in a giant mall of info! Now I'm not sure if we're in the right place, but we're hoping to find a little support and guidance. To that end, I will now proceed to the formalities and then a few questions.We are Byron (nurse / healthcare administrator) and Jonathan (professional geek). We've been married 12 years. We have two cats Kisho (oldest) and Orson (middle) and a dog Luca (youngest). We want to be dads! We're both pretty old-fashioned, we're nerds and enjoy dorky fun. I suppose if anything else is important to know you can ask.QuestionsDoes everyone who adopts just happen to have $50,000 in cash laying around? Everything we look into seems to add up to that amount or near it. We're quite comfortable, but by no means Bill Gates.Will we be chased away from here (as we felt we were with one agency) by angry villagers bearing torches and pitchforks because we're two wannabe-dads?Does it really require such a high-degree of coordination? That is, does it always take two years or close to it? I am a man of planning, goals and outcomes (whereas Jonathan is more free-flowing, take it as it comes - it's a nice balance). It is difficult to plan with so many variables in the mix, and with a keen eye for clever marketing, I can't help but be suspect of many agency websites I've come across. There seem to be a lot of money-junkies out there advocating for their pocketbooks under a thin guise of compassion for family-building. How do we sort through it all?Where do we start? This is all so frustrating. :grr:
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Does it really require such a high-degree of coordination? That is, does it always take two years or close to it? I am a man of planning, goals and outcomes (whereas Jonathan is more free-flowing, take it as it comes - it's a nice balance). It is difficult to plan with so many variables in the mix, and with a keen eye for clever marketing, I can't help but be suspect of many agency websites I've come across. There seem to be a lot of money-junkies out there advocating for their pocketbooks under a thin guise of compassion for family-building. How do we sort through it all?
So I'm not sure how useful I'll be answering your questions but there are a few things I can tell you that may help.
First let me say that I placed my son with a (very awesome) gay couple. There are a few other Gay and Lesbian couples on here that either have adopted or are PAP (prospective Adoptive Parents). So probably no pitchforks, there may be some people who aren't your biggest fans on here, but they keep a pretty tight leash on people being offensive on here.
As far as the process, I know it can seem really daunting, I have never gone through your end of things myself, and feel not really apt to answer too many questions for you about finances (I know there are tax refunds that help, or if money is a huge issue going the foster to adopt route is another way to look). I leave you to other more experienced people on these forums to answer some of these questions for you.
But what I would like to say is that as much as you can research, and figure things out, you should know that if you are looking to be on a schedule for adoption you should come to terms now that it just won't work out that way. The two year wait (especially for a gay couple) is probably about right for a domestic adoption, maybe even longer at certain agencies. But that doesn't mean 2 years is definite, my son's parents honestly waited two months from finishing their paperwork to my choosing them. Yet there are other people I've talked to who waited 4 or 5 years. There are so many factors that are completely out of your control. The things that MIGHT help shorten the wait is if you're open to a transracial adoption (especially AA kids), legal risks in the adoption, or at risk pregnancies/special needs kids. So it's one thing to really think about, what your family can handle. Just something to think about.
Good Luck with this all, I hope you find some more answers.