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My son is getting married in June. We haven't gotten our invite yet, but not sure they've sent them! But he's made it clear we're invited and we've sorted out our plane tickets and where we are staying etc etc.
Those of you who know me know that amom has been openly hostile to me. IRL meetings she waits until she gets me alone and then lets loose with nastiness.
Online she was less subtle. First she was stalking me on FB making digs constantly. It culminated with an extremely nasty message where she cc'd my son and his stepmom.
Basically, even though it's caused some issues between my son and his amom, she's definately succeeded in causing a great deal of comfort between my son and I. I've had to block her from my FB for my mental well being.
Now, so you all know, I've tried very hard to not step on her toes in all of this. When introducing her to my girls I said 'this is A's mother' etc etc. I did not react to her nasty email at all. I know that part of her horribleness last summer was due to him and his financee coming to visit us. *sigh* I've never been anything but nice and respectful to her face (I've expressed dismay at her in private!)
I'm SO stressed out about this wedding. I'd not go but I'm afraid I'll regret not going. I want to sit in a corner and be ignored. I have nightmares that she's going to corner me in the Ladies room and spew venom at me. :-(
My son's wedding would be a stressful and emotional thing ANYWAY, her attitude just amplifies it.
How am I going to survive?
I'm also debating pinching one of my daughters when needed...
hehe
I wish I could talk to my son about things right now, it's just been so 'iffy' since last summer.
Anytime I talk about ANYTHING to do with the wedding, he changes the subject...
Nevermind.
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quantum
I'm also debating pinching one of my daughters when needed...
hehe
I wish I could talk to my son about things right now, it's just been so 'iffy' since last summer.
Anytime I talk about ANYTHING to do with the wedding, he changes the subject...
Nevermind.
I can't say I blame him. Wedding planning is a total PITA, and usually the guys just want to stay very low on the radar. He's probably feeling pulled in 50 different directions right now. I never planned a wedding and would not be able to stand dealing with everyone's questions/comments/input/worries/concerns/guest lists/etc. I'm all for eloping!
I'm just not sure what, if anything, you would get out of your son right now by talking to him. What is it you want him to reassure you of? That his amom will behave herself? I'm sure he has just as little control over her as you do, and the last thing you want to do is put him in the middle.
Oh! Why DID I say that? I guess I was thinking of saying 'hey, how should I introduce myself at the wedding?'
But doesn't matter, you know?
Maybe this is just because I watched Jurassic Park yesterday, but when I picture her cornering you in the bathroom and spitting venom, I definitely see that dinosaur that freaks out, whose neck flaps spring out, and spits venom on Newman from Seinfeld ;)
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quantum
Oh! Why DID I say that? I guess I was thinking of saying 'hey, how should I introduce myself at the wedding?'
But doesn't matter, you know?
Q, how do YOU want to introduce yourself? As long as you are not going around saying "I'm his MOTHER" or "I'm his REAL MOM," I think you will be fine and not step on any toes.
There really is only one way to introduce yourself. As his birth mom. Or some variation thereof, although I'm not sure a lot of people know the terms "natural mom" or "first mom."
I know this is nerve-wracking all the way around, but try to relax about these details. It could be there won't be any real formal introductions in terms of your relationship to the groom. If it comes up, just be casual about it. "I'm Q, and I gave birth to A" or "I'm Q, A's birthmom, how are you?"
Do most of the guests know he's adopted and his birthmom will be there? Or is your concern that they don't know and will make a big deal out of it or give you that uncomfortable silence we've all come to know?
OR, you could be "Q, from Sweden..." Okay, okay, I'm just being snarky about my last bfamily/afamily collision. (in fact, I should just permanently change my siggy to "Heidi, from California" :evilgrin:)
We could amuse ourselves with all the wacky ways you could introduce yourself.
"I'm A's tummy mommy" (I just think it's funny to imagine using it for a grown man)
"I was honored to help create the XYZ family with my precious gift of a child."
"I was the benefactress womb"
"T's the "Mom! T's the Mom! I'm just a guest! I'm nobody!"
"I'm A's lifegiver"
"I'm the one who got knocked up with A"
"I'm the resident crackwhore"
Oh, dear. It's been a while since crick's evil sense of humor came out so I think I just overcompensated.
And the Jurassic Park image- hahahaha!
I think you should carry one of the those little travel size hairspray bottles in your purse and if she corners you, pull it out and say you're not afraid to use it. :cowboy:
OK, those comments were too funny!
You know I always like "Wonder Womb" as a title. or, if anyone asks "How do you know the family?" you can answer "Oh, I'm their birthmother!" (haha).
Thanks SO much for the laughs! hahaaha
It's a shame that no one would 'get' the "oh I'm their birthmother" line!
What I totally picture me doing is screaming
"T's the "Mom! T's the Mom! I'm just a guest! I'm nobody!"
And then curling up into a huddled ball in a corner, mumbling and drooling, continuing to scream that if anyone tries to touch me.
HAHAHAHAHAHA
I think most people will know who we are.
"I could tell you who I am, but then I'd have to kill you..."
Maybe I need a mini tape recorder with me to record anything T says to me if she manages to catch me alone?
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"I could tell you who I am, but then I'd have to kill you..."
LOL.
I like all of Heidi's too! I reckon you should get a T-shirt made up with some of them and wear that to the wedding lol.
Another suggestion:
"God chose me to carry A for T"
"I'm A's gestational carrier"
or to sort of take a page out of Paige's book,
"Beer+backseat of a Chevy = A"
Perhaps you should just say "oh I'm just a stranger off the street, I have no idea who these people are, I just dropped in for some free food"
So!
After some back and forth and confusion, my son decided that we would stay with him until the night before the wedding, then we will stay with his stepmom, but he will also be there! Yowsa.
Maybe he really DOES want me to be there? Maybe he hasn't changed his mind??
And we got our invite so...guess we really ARE invited.
:-)
I'm ok right now but reserve the right to freak out at any moment...
"Beer+backseat of a Chevy = A"
I vote for this one. ;p Maybe not for the wedding, but how about the rehearsal dinner?
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((((((Q)))))),
You've gotten validation from your son. How wonderful you must feel! You don't need to prove anything... he's proving your place to everyone else just by the the arrangements he's made.
"Freaking out" is normal, and we're here... should that happen. fwiw.
Soprano
It really does help to get that validation. Gives me strength, you know?
Because ultimately I really don't care what his amom thinks, he's the one that matters (I WISH she wasn't so freaky, but what can I do..)