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i don't know what to do. my brother was an adoptee and so am i, he is no longer with us and miss him so. just wondering how to go about this ive been looking for both of our Bparents and i have a strong feeling that i found his mother... but dont know how to explain or what i should do... i really would like to get to know her and tell her a little about her Bson.... im just scared? any help with this??
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I would encourage you to reach out to her. If it was a closed adoption she likely wonders if hes healthy, happy, living, etc. As hard as it would be to hear that the son I placed had passed, it would be better to never knowing. Finding out things about him would be healing. I will be thinking about you and am here if you want specific advice on how to contact.
Welcome to the forums
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I would reach out. It won't be easy, and I am sorry for your loss, but as a mother who placed a child for adoption, I would certainly want to know.
I know how hard it is to lose a sibling, and again, I am so sorry for your loss, but I think somebody needs to let your brother's first mom know, and if you are not able to, someone else should. I think you are in a good position, though, to be able to tell her about your brother. If, God forbid, something happened to my son, I would welcome the chance to talk to his sibling about him. Even though we are reunited, I would love to hear what he was like as a child, how it was to grow up together, etc.
Good luck and keep us posted.
paigeturner
I would encourage you to reach out to her. If it was a closed adoption she likely wonders if hes healthy, happy, living, etc. As hard as it would be to hear that the son I placed had passed, it would be better to never knowing. Finding out things about him would be healing. I will be thinking about you and am here if you want specific advice on how to contact.
Welcome to the forums
I have a birthmother friend who was told by her agency that her daughter was fine, but didn't want contact. When she got information herself, she contacted the adoptive parents to find her daughter had died at age 2 during surgery to correct a heart defect. The agency had never contacted the parents to say the birthmother wanted contact, had lied about the girl being in college, etc. The birthparents were okay with the truth, more so than thinking their daughter wanted nothing to do with them. And happy to have the information for their subsequent children.I would make contact with the birthmother and let her know. If there is a genetic reason for his death, it is even more important to know!
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As a bmom I would want to know. Way better than thinking your child is out there happy and healthy. Plus, it was to the point that I was looking at adults wondering if they were one of my sons. I would just so want to know. It's not like I could be protected from having my heart ripped out, that had already taken place 26 years before. It would totally suck to find out that my child had died, but NOT knowing, no, that would be way worse.