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I am adopting my sister's daughter who she will be delivering soon ( in about 1 month or sooner). She is unable to keep the baby due to an addiction that put her in jail. She is out now but has many fees. She is struggling financially and emotionally. I have offered to cover counseling, however she has not taken me up on it yet. We are having a home study done in a few days. I am very excited about this adoption, however, a little worried about my sister's and my relationship as well as the babies feelings when she is older. We will treat the the baby like our own child (though we will be open with her about her adoption) and she will know my sister as her "special" Aunt. I think these are healthy family boundaries and my sister is ready to accept them. She also has a son who is living with his bio father and new wife who she has minimal contact with due to the addiction. Here are my main issues- worried about issues above, My husband and I have 4 children, I am a full-time student - graduating in 2 sem. We are so busy with soccer, gymnastics, scouts, etc and I just want to do this right but I am a little over overwhelmed. Also one of my son's has special needs. My children are between the ages of 5 and 11. I fell so blessed to adopt this child and if anyone has any advise of how to cope emotionally please help. Thank you!!:thanks: Sunshine
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I forgot to add that it's fine that you also posted it here. You might get some helpful advice, especially from the adoptee's point of view (although I can't really help you there either, since my adoption was a very different situation than what you're talking about).
I hope this whole situation turns out to help your sister kick her addiction, largely for her but also so she can have a good and meaningful relationship with your child, and with you.
I was adopted by my mother's parents. I was raised as her younger sister. I was told the facts at age 4, but by then she had passed away, so I did not know her. She is my sister, for all intents and purposes. She was not "special", but I was always told what I got from her. Habits, looks, etc. If you tell a child that it is allowed to be "special" with another family member, it puts pressure and could cause jealousy with adopted siblings, unless they get that bond on their own... If she is having all of the troubles with dependence, the child may feel weird, knowing all of the issues, but then being the "special" neice or nephew. How you deal with this stress is exactly as you have dealt with the stress of birthing your natural children. This is going to be YOUR baby, a natural part of your family. The best thing you can do with your sister is set boundaries. Help her get into a good rehab facility and support continued after care, or she will have to stay away from the child. If you know the father, allow the child (when it is older) to meet him if he is willing. I do not know my birth father, he left when I was born. I do not feel empty, but I have concerns. Health things, mental things etc. I am a mother, and need to fill these holes for my children. Build the legacy. Being raised with family helps fill the emotional "who am I" void, but there are often concerns over health. Be active with this. I am on my search right now. Even though my family has known I have questions, I still worry that I will hurt my mother and my older sister, like I am disrespecting them by questioning. They have not asked me not to look, but they have not really been supportive either. I do know his name, and think I am close to finding family members. I have found death records for him, it is an obscure name, there may only be one man with that name in his age group... Sorry about the rambling, I just hope you see that the baby is yours, you do not have to "share", per se, but being open and understanding is huge and helpful, and it will keep feelings of guilt down for the child in adulthood. good luck
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