My daughter friended my adopted daughter on facebook

I don't see any problems here. Kids talk to each other. I can't see that there is anything illegal about this at all. If another girl friended your adaughter on FB that wouldn't be illegal! I dont know the circumstances behind your adoption story. Maybe if you just stepped back and let them develop their relationship, that would be best? I really don't know. Just because we reliquished our parental rights to our children, does not mean we reliquished the right to know them, especially when they are grown up and can make their own decisions. It's inappropriate for a birthmother to attempt to make contact with their minor child behind the aparent's backs, but this really doesn't seem to be the case here.

If I understand it correctly, your daughter has befriended your bdaughter but your birth daughter doesn't know that this is her 1/2 sister. Personally I think that's shady and not a very nice thing to do to someone. Just "hoping she figures it all out" is not a healthy way to start a relationship with someone and it very well could backfire. (I realize your daughter is young & not intending to be shady, just likely wants to know her 1/2 sis,but if the shoe was on the other foot...) Even if you aren't doing the actual contact, you know about it and your bdaughter might not like that aspect if she finds out you supported this "false pretenses" situation. If you plan to have a future relationship with her, I highly recommend you find a more direct and honest way to start it.

Can you call or email her adoptive parents and just let them know? Do you have a good relationship with them? Just make it a "we" problem that needs to be solved, so it's not *you against them*. You - I was looking at DD's facebook and saw that her and your DD are friends. DD has said she won't tell, but you know teenagers. I'd hate for her to find out like that. What do you think *WE* should do? Then leave it in their court. Though I think she's just going to have to be told. I don't think there's a tactful way to get out of it at this point - they're already friends. What's your DD going to say? Sorry, I have to unfriend you - your parents don't want you to know you're my sister?

They are full sisters. I do not want her to find out this way. I am going to call amom and talk to her. She stopped contact with us,which prompted my daughter to go behind my back. Amom got my daughter all hyped up about telling her 2 yrs ago and then decided it wasnt a good idea since her psychiatrist advised against it. This sent us into a tailspin because I had actually let myself get my hopes up. My daughter has made up her to mind that if they didnt tell her when she was 18, she would. I think she needs to find out from aparents not her sister or anyone else. Another thing that doesnt help is that my daughter shared her intentions with their father, he thinks since he never signed the adoption papers that is not legally bound. I told him it would be selfish to contact her just because he thinks she should know, I agree she should have known a long time ago, but not like this. I am stuck in the middle because its selfish but he had blamed me in the past for giving her up in the first place but he did nothing to try and keep her, he avoided when they tried to serve papers on him instead of speaking up. Neither of us had jobs or a place to live and I know I did the right thing, with the stipulation she would know where she came from, it never happened.I tried to call amom and she said she was at the doctors office and would have to call me back. Ill keep you posted if she does call me.

Does she not know she was adopted? Or does she not know that you all would like contact? I am confused.

she does not know she is adopted

This is really a tough situation. I think the best you can do is let amom know that your daughter friended her, and hopefully amom won't think you put your daughter up to it or had something to do with this. Your adopted daughter, though, should know she is adopted. Why on earth did her parents never tell her? No matter what happens, now, ultimately it was up to her aparents to tell her she was adopted and I hope they will take this opportunity to do so and not make any more excuses as to why they shouldn't.

From the very beginning it was always the plan to tell her, why have me send pictures of myself and my family, keep the letter I wrote with a locket with my pic inside then say after that situation backfired 2 yrs ago that it was never meant to remain open. Its not like I saw her, it wasnt open where I could see her just open to remain in contact. Amom knew I wanted to know her, I never pushed the issue because it had never occurred to me that she should have told long ago until they backed out last minute. They keep waiting for the "right time" but truth is there never will be. It wouldnt have been so bad had she not directly involved my daughter and told her she thought adaughter would love to know she has a little sister then suddenly leave us hanging. I had to pickup the pieces of that aftermath and that was NOT fair to her. There were some years in between I was not in contact. My ex and his mother attempted getting her back which in turn spooked them, it took 5 years for her to let me back in, I didnt know at the time why until amom told me. After a period with no contact I could hear the sound in her voice of surprise, they hoped I would lose contact all together to make the situation easier on them. I should have talked to my own lawyer before I did anything, Iwas 17, what did I know.

Wow! That is really sad that they have not told her. I feel for that poor girl. She will lose trust and that is not fair. Not telling someone they were adopted just causes more pain and harm in the long run. Just way sad, that is all I can say. Shame on her parents.