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I'm not sure where to start, i'm just going to start typing. I'm 19 years old. I was 14, when I got pregnant with my first daughter, and almost 15 when I had her. For a while, I wanted to keep her. As becoming pregnant makes a girl grow up VERY fast, I started thinking about HER needs, and what would be best for HER. I decided that as a child myself, hardly even into my teens yet, I needed to find a way to give her a better life. I chose adoption.
The only people I had were my parents. I needed support so bad, but where would I get it? My friends were my age.. 13, 14 years old. You can't go to a 13 or 14 year old with something like this. Something this big. So, I had no one. Then 2 years later, I got pregnant again. Another little girl. While pregnant with her, she was diagnosed with a brain defect. I was told she wouldn't make it to delivery alive. She would have been 1 this December. She passed away last spring, at nearly 4 months old.
The past few years have been so hard. I miss my girls. Both of them. Everyday.
This is the first thing i've ever posted about them online. I'm shaking and crying. I'm looking for support. Someone to talk to. I find myself waking up screaming all the time.
If anyone can listen, just lend an ear, please do. I know that nothing anyone says can lessen my pain. I know that as all of us are different, no one truly "understands" another mommys story/pain.
But please if you can just lend an ear, it would mean a lot to me.
You can attach your facebook link or email address, either is fine.
Thank you in advance for anyone who reaches out to me. The world can be a lonely place. <3
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I just wanted to say I read this and I am very sorry for your two losses... I'm probably not of much help, but their are a lot of other grieving birth moms on here that can relate. I am eighteen and going through the adoption process for my son, and at nine months pregnant, it really has been a journey. I know there is a lot more pain to come, but I'm trusting God because I know this is the best thing for him.I couldn't have imagined this happening to me at 14, so I know that it must have been very tough on you, especially with no support:( And even worse, having the loss of a 4 mos daughter... You're a strong girl for even talking about it, and please know that both of them are in better places now and would want you to have a great life of success and blessings.You're oldest daughter, i'm sure, is loved so much by many and has everything she needs. Was it a closed or open adoption? Either way, there's a chance you'll be reunited with her someday, maybe when she's 18, and be able to share your life story and how much you've missed her. And I don't know what you're beliefs are, but I believe you're youngest daughter is a beautiful angel in Heaven right now looking down on you with great love and wanting you to feel happy and do you're best at enjoying life.I hope this helped some and if you need someone to talk to I'm hear to listen :)
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I am so sorry for the loss of your two girls. I placed my son for adoption when I was just 19, I cannot imagine how hard it would have been to go through this at barely 15. And then to lose your second daughter to death, you have just been through so much in your young life.
I can imagine not many of your peers (if any) can even begin to comprehend the depth of your grief and loss. Did you or are you getting any sort of counseling to help you work through the grief? How are your parents in terms of being supportive? My mom wasn't much help, unfortunately (she thought I should be "over it" just two weeks after I left the hospital without my son). However, I did have some friends who were supportive and I got counseling as well. You are dealing with two losses, and that compounds things further. I hope you are getting good counseling.
What kind of adoption was arranged for your first daughter? Do you have any sort of openness? Did you go through an agency to place her? If so, do they offer any post adoption support?
I hope other birthmoms will chime in - sometimes it's slow over the weekend and this being Mother's Day weekend, there may not be as much activity, but please check back and let us know how you are doing.
Your post just brought tears to my eyes!! I am so very sorry about both of your losses!!! It sounds like you did what was best for your daughter tho, and knowing that should help you some.
I myself gave my youngest daughter up for adoption, she is with family and it has still been very hard so I know how heartbreaking this is for you!!!
Honestly tho, for me, counseling is the only thing that got me thru this the last 12 years.I had my daughter until she was 2 and she is 14 now and just found out who I really am so we have a whole new round of emotions and issues popping up.
ANYTIME you need someone to talk to..................Please feel free to message me and we can swap Facebook's. I'm going thru alot myself and that is why I joined but I can be here for you!!
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I just wanted to say I am sorry for your losses, your story has made me cry. I feel for you I really do. But the good news is you came to the RIGHT place. I am old enough to be your mother and I couldn't imagine letting my daughter go through this alone. I too lost my child to adoption, I was 26, and I too had no support. My family did all the arrangements and I have no memory of anything. Your very young to be carrying such a burden of grief. My best advice to you is counseling. Please, find someone to talk to. It can be great help to you and helping to cope with all this. I started counceling, and it does help. Please let me know how your doing---having friends on here is a wonderful outlet also. They helped me when I first wrote. I was amazed by the response of supporters, they helped me through a tough time.
reality_allwedream- hang in there. I am not going to tell you the pain will go away, but I will tell you that it becomes manageable. I am a bmom so I speak from years of experience. I was 20, pregnant, and my mother died when I was 5 mos. pregnant and the bfather ditched me. I decided to put my baby up for adoption, but I didn't have A baby, I had TWO babies. Identical twin boys. But I knew that I couldn't handle one baby, let alone two financially. A good mother will lay down her life for her baby, and that is what I did. I put my children's health, happiness and future before my happiness. But really, the pain does ebb. It really will. Mine never went away, there was a dull ache. But you also have to remember, as the years pass, "the older you" starts to argue with the "you of the past". You think "I could have done it", but in reality, it is the older you talking, the one that is a bit more on your feet financially and emotionally. I found the first 5 years to be really tough, it does seem to go in stages. But I then started to live my life so that my kids would be proud of me. I hoped that some day they would come searching and I wanted them to be able to say with pride "That's my bmom". And lo and behold, 4 months ago, after 26 years, I was notified that one of my sons was ready for contact (yes, the boys were raised together, one just not ready yet). One of the first things he wanted to make sure of is that the adoption didn't ruin my life, because he felt that he had been truly blessed with his life. I told him the adoption didn't ruin my life, it changed my life. Yes, there are aspects of my life that I believe are consequences of the adoption, but I still stand by my decision at the time, it was the best thing for my kids. I would still lay down my life for my boys, that's what a good mom does, so in my strange little way, I raised them the best way I knew how, and that was to do what I did back then. I look back now, and I am amazed that there will probably never be a decision in my life, so great and so important as the one I had to make at 20 years old. And you did it at 14. You are an amazing person. Hang on to that. And hang on to the fact that you and your firstborn can create better lives so that when you two shall meet, you can both be proud of each other. As for your little one that you lost recently, I am truly sorry. Be strong, and live for both of you. I have recently started coming to these boards for support, and I can't even begin to tell you how helpful these women are that have blazed the trail before me, so visit often. There are much words of wisdom and much love here.
I'm truly sorry for your loss. I haven't lost a child due to death but I do understand the pain of not raising a child.
We have reunited but the pain never went away, I just learnt to live with it. I have suffered with depression because of my child being adoption and will be on meds for the rest of my life. You're more than welcome to keep in touch with me if there is anything you don't want to post on the forums. It does help to share with others who have been in similar situations.