looking for acceptance and happiness

I don't have any advice except to say that you might want to find another therapist. I know from personal experience that you need to find someone who "clicks" with you or it won't work. It stinks, I know, to think about having to therapist-shop, but it does sound like you could use some help working through this. Maybe someone who specializes in adoption issues? If there is an adoption support organization in your area, they might've able to give you some leads. Good luck!

Thanks for your response. My therapist came from the place I was adopted through. She is supposed to be the best around. We haven't clicked and she even suggested another therapist so I think I will ask for someone different. I just hate starting over with someone new. I feel like I quit. But she has even admitted giving me bad advice.

Wow I can relate to your experience as well as my siblings. My natural mother (A-mom to my brother) has not one maternal bone in her body. Besides being abusive she would cut us off at the flip of a switch. For years I came groveling back. Finally I came to the realization that my own mother did not love me. After telling her over and over "Mom I will talk to you later when you can be nice' or "mom please don't talk about my brothers/sisters like that" she had no use for me anymore and dumped me. It is really a hard thing to accept that your own mother (birth or adopted) does not love you, and you are only good to her when she can torment you. I also experienced this with my sister. Now only my A-brother and I remain close out of all the siblings. Eventually I changed. I learned to absolutely, without inhibition love the people in my live who loved me. My spouse, my friends, my children, my pets. Life is so much sweeter now but it took years to get to this place in my life. Just realize that it is not your fault. There is no shame in just admitting that your parents can't accept you for who you are. I have always said that if my mother showed any true love, or remorse then I would be there for her and it is true. Just a smidge of genuine caring and I would gladly welcome her into our lives. But she doesn't care and I accept that. It really doesn't hurt anymore. Someday you can get to that point in your life, it just may take time and work.

You are from two worlds....you are neither but you are both. You were placed with a fmaily whose blood you do not share. Your personality is biological it is not uncommon to have trouble fitting in with your A family. When I bring up my adoption with my A family it is like a bomb went off in the room and usually leaves me walking out yelling. You are messed up because of the adoption. There is nothing wrong with you. You need to restore peace in the jungle because it is energy draining to fight. Good luck my dear.

I'm a birthmom, so I can't really relate. What I did want to share is that shopping for a therapist is a great thing. I've had a couple therapists who just didn't share my world view, so we just didn't click. I never felt like I could really come to terms with anything I was working through. This time when I knew I needed a counselor, here are the steps I took, that might also work for you. We have both an employee assistance program and health insurance that covers counseling sessions. Since the last two counselors I had were male, I figured what I really wanted was another MOM as a counselor. I was also looking for someone with rather hippie leanings, like myself. It was very important that my counselor not tell me to relax or go pray :P 1) Get a list of EAP providers who are women within 5 miles of my house. 2) Find 5 of them who are also on my health insurance providers' list. 3) Call them and leave a message "Hi, I'm looking for someone with 20 years experience in counseling adoption issues who has worked with ALL sides of the triad, who supports open adoption, who has navigated many successful reunions, and who is a hippie like me. Please call me back if that's you." I only got one call back. She's a mom of two natural kids, and a foster to adopt mom of two more. Like me, she has dogs, cats, lives on acreage, and loves to knit. In our first session I was watching for the characteristics I felt like I needed in a counselor...optimism, strength, conviction, decisiveness. She has it all, and I couldn't be happier. If you know what you want, you can find it.

Does this go out to everyone who responded? I want to make sure everyone knows how much I appreciate their advice. I am listening. I am currently working on switching therapists. I am going to choose one of two adult adoptees - people just like me! I told my current therapist that we just were not getting where I wanted to go. Which is forward. She had me going backwards. I reluctantly let her call my (a) mom and then had to ask her 3 times if my amom ever called her back again. Of course, my amom never did call her back. No surprise here, but it still sets me up for disappointment. How a mom can know her child is hurting and not care to do anything about it is beyond me. But that's been the story of my life. No one has ever even tried to understand my feelings. I had to asked for a family meeting but still didn't get one. I figured I'd give them the chance to all gang up on me but no one even cared enough to talk about it. This still amazes me. I've got to run. Thank you for all your comments and advice. I feel better knowing there are people out there who care enough just to send a little note. Thank you.

I spent a lot of money and time for counseling and it didn't help me. All it did was accentuate problems growing up. I understand because I had to do the same thing. I was adopted into a 'hyper-religious' family and there were a lot of problems (i.e. chronic infidelity, jealousies, greed, etc.) I don't think you can "get over it" but I do think you can move on. I moved on. It was hard but I did it.