Racist birth family

I would keep the baby away from those visits...It would be horrifying for her to hear racist comments and for her sibs...If she isnt there it shouldnt come up...If it does I would tell the older kids the honest truth. That they are horrible words we all bleed red, have feelings and it is very sad when people act that way and that in your family we dont say those things we treat everyone equal regardless of color....Isnt it sad when miserable angry people have to look down on somebody just to make themselves feel superior and mighty...:confused:can she do something fun with her grandparents our aunty during the visits?

Have they made comments since your baby was placed with you, or is this history? I only ask because I have extended family who've made racist comments in the past (and some probably still do outside of my presence.) I married an AA man, and the comments stopped (again, maybe only in my presence) but many of them seem to have genuinely welcomed my DH into our family (some I was VERY surprised about. . .) This might give them an opportunity to open their minds, or to at least "act right" in front of your other kids. If not, you may have to say something to them, like "our family does not believe that/talk that way, so I'm going to have to ask you not to say such things in front of our kids." Good luck!

Have they made the comments in front of the kids? It sounds like you need to have a frank conversation with the family that any talk like that will not be tolerated and visits will stop if they continue to do so. (That's what I would do.) Even if you don't bring the baby with you to visits, they know you have him now, and they may make comments to the older kids when they talk about their baby brother. I had a similar issue with my dad. We have had bi-racial placements and my son was dating a bi-racial girl (now dating a hispanic girl) and my dad would make off the wall comments about the kids and my son's girlfriends. Not when they were around, but around me. I had to have a hard talk with him and told him that those comments hurt my feelings also and I didn't want him to say them anymore because he could slip up in front of the kids. I told him if it was too hard for him to do that, then I would make it easier on him by not visiting near as often. I think he was tiffed at me for a long while, but he stopped- at least around me and my family. It was not an easy conversation to have because it was my dad, but I had to think about the kids.

You could be right. They have not made any comments....yet. The kids saw them last week at their big brothers graduation. My husband just took the older two and left me home with the baby. My dd told her grandma very proudly that she had a new baby brother. All grandma said was "So I heard." and grandpa and bio brother said nothing. I wish they could have been more excited for my dd. It could be that they will be mature enough to keep their comments to themselves. I guess we will just have to see how it goes. It worries me that my son looks up to his bio brother so much. I think that my son would just go right along with whatever is being said. There is also the issue of attitudes. People can say so much with actions and body language. I don't want my kids thinking that baby J is any less valuable or any less their brother because of his color.

That is so true. I'm sorry they weren't more excited. It may turn out that you have to limit contact. Some folks warm up and overcome prejudice when a child is involved, others just have hard heads and hard hearts. Good luck to you.

When we initially recieved our first placement (nb healthy aa boy) my family went crazy. They're super racist and they were beyond disappointed that we'd welcome wholeheartedly a beautiful baby boy that wasn't "white". I was heartbroken--and angry. I talked with many many people and one of my college pals did something that was profound and may help you if the subject of racism comes up for your ak's. Grab a bag of m&m's. Ask each kid which color is their favorite. When you have whatever is left over (typically brown) then say "these are bad, horrible m&m's right? We'd never eat these!! They're a bad color!" When the kids insist that you shouldn't throw away their candy... you can explain the whole "just like how your grandparent likes white more than black doesn't mean that you have to dislike black nor does it mean that black isn't just as good as white. It's your grandparents choice, not yours, mine or our families. We're all different on the outside but the same on the inside." Coincidentally, that little boy (who is now our stbas, McBaby) had an m&m nursery--which was set up long before the m&m analogy ;) Good luck!

Ok, so the grands and bio bro came to dd's ballet recital on Sat. It went better than I expected. Grandma was very warm towards him, rushed around to find a tissue when he spit up, and told us congrats. Grandpa was quiet, but polite. Big Brother said nothing, kept staring at the baby with a strange look on his face and seemed to be taking it all in. So, at least he didn't say anything negative. I watched him like a hawk! The whole experience just confirmed to me that we have done the right thing by keeping contact with them. I am very relieved. Things may come up later, but I think they will be minor and can be addressed.:clap:

yay!:banana: :banana:

I LOVE that M&M comparison!!! :)

I did the m&m thing with my kids. I think it really helped them. My son did argue with me that some people really are "better" than others. My point to him was that we are all the same inside, just with different colored "candy coated shells" lol If someone does bad things, it has nothing to do with their color. The visual was great!

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