I Don't Know How to Comfort Her. (long)

My best friend of 20 years moved to another state 8 years ago. She began hanging with the wrong crowd and began living a very destructive life. As a result, my God children were placed in CPS custody. They remained in separate foster homes until a relative could be found that was willing to take placement of all 3 children. I was 23, in college and single and I knew I would not be able to care for three children. My best friends mother said "no" because at the time, she had her husband, an adult child, his girlfriend and their two children all living with her and she felt she could not give the children great life she thought they should have. A relative in another city stepped up and provided care of all three children. Unfortunately, that situation only lasted a few months because the children's caregiver had a heart attack one morning while getting the kids ready for school and passed away. The biological aunt of the children, who was their main caregivers wife, called my friend and told her she never wanted her husband to take the children in the first place, she only said yes because he wouldn't drop it and she had three days to get on a bus and come get her kids or she was going to call CPS in our state and have them removed. My friend, not wanting to lose custody again didn't want loose them so she hopped on a bus and got them. A few months later they were again placed in foster homes . A few months after that, she signed her rights away when told she could either sign them away or cps was going to take them but she would under no circumstances get them back. Two of the three were adopted and the third is in a family that loves him but are not wanting to adopting because the child will lose all of the services that are being provided while he is in state custody. Shortly after signing her rights away, my best friend passed away at the age of 29. It has been 4 years since her death. Through it all, my best friend's mother has kept in contact with the children's case workers/ adoption workers. She has sent them gifts on every holiday, birthday and written several letters. She corresponds through the cw and has developed a relationship with the family that is fostering one of the children. The mother of one of the adopted children sent my friend's mother a letter through the cw saying basically thank you for all the gifts but she would not be giving any of the gifts, with the exception of a scrapbook, until the child is "middle-aged". The child is 10. She recently found out that the oldest of the three children, who is 16, wants nothing to do with her. His parents have made sure he got all of the letters and gifts and cards. They have kept her phone number and address accessible to him. They are encouraging him to contact her but he doesn't want to. He feels abandoned by his biological family. He feels like she didn't want him so she doesn't love him. She just wanted him to have a great life. She didn't want them to have to struggle. She is so grateful to their parents for giving them things she could never give. She didn't understand that once they were adopted, there was no guarantee that she would be allowed to be involved in their lives. She said that if she would have known, she would have taken them right away. Every day, she cries over her decision not to take them because she wanted them to have a great life. With the death of her daughter, she is in a place that no words of encouragement can bring her out of. She is heartbroken. She beats herself up everyday. She has visited with one of the grandchildren a couple of times this year and the grandchild whose mother will not give her letters or gifts until she is an adult HAS agreed to take a vacation with the foster parents of the other child to our state and visit with my best friends family for a few days. Her oldest grandson wants nothing to do with her and it breaks her heart. I don't know what I can do to help her. I listen to her and visit her whenever I am in town. She was there with me through my entire relative adoption, which must have been bitter sweet for her. She says she wishes she would have fought for her grandchildren the same way I fought to get custody of and adopt my dd. Is there anything more I can do to help her besides listen? I feel so sad for her.