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[url]http://forums.adoption.com/adoptee-support/392159-wrong-reasons-adopt.html?posted=1#post34194131[/url]
couldn't not post. i'm really tired of there being reasons why you shouldn't adopt, but no reasons why you should, or there being only one reason to adopt-but no one can agree on what that is. it has the potential to be ugly....and i participated as a member. sorry about that. i'm a troublemaker. :evilgrin:
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Hmm. I've never adopted. Why did I have children after I placed David? I wanted to have children. I have love to give. My arms were empty. I wanted to give my husband children... Are any of those legitimate reasons? Perhaps NO ONE should have children. (That would solve a lot of Earth's problems!)
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She makes it sound like if no one adopted the kids would all be happily raised in thier first families. I know for a fact that my two were destined for some pretty bad things if they were not adopted. It was not a choice between material things and a poor but loving bio family. It was a choice between life in an institution and life with a loving family. The first families in both cases had made their decisions not to parent long before I came on board
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Perhaps NO ONE should have children
momraine
She makes it sound like if no one adopted the kids would all be happily raised in thier first families.
But what makes biological parents fit to raise the children they give birth to? I've heard many of the same reasons that she rejects used by biological parents.
I am so tired of her. I am sorry she is miserable. I really am. But I am so tired of her negativity. Maybe I am just taking it all to personally, but I am just over of it.
Maybe Crick can decide she should be tired for a while. Let's send her to Coventry.
I know it's rough for you who have adopted to have your reasons examined and rejected and to be told over and over that your children would be better off in their family of origin. That is only true if the family of origin is perfect... and frankly I don't know any of those. I did not choose adoption for David because he would have more toys, but because I believe that every child deserves parents who want to parent (at that point I would have said two parents). I knew I was not ready and was afraid I would take it out on him. (Was that laudable? Would he have been better off if I had raised him? The latter is an unanswerable question.)None of us was raised in a perfect family and we can all say if only... There comes a time when we need to grow up and take responsibility for our own actions and our own lives.
mommytoeli
someday she will be "that" angry adoptee posting here....but i know in my heart it isn't because she WAS adopted, it will be because she had to be. and that's not my fault.
My adopted childrens first parents were married coupled with jobs. Both families had other children they were parenting. In both cases it was the fact that the children were born missing limbs that caused them to be abandoned. My daughters parents hoped she would be adopted by foreigners as they felt she could not have a good life in Russia due to her disabilities. My sons family did not believe he would be adopted. They just wanted him put away. They refused to visit him and when a charity offered his father money to visit him his father still refused. That's when his rights were involuntarily severed. (my sons mother passed away when he was around three) my son tells me he wished he could have stayed in Poland but the fact is he was about to be sent to a nursing home because of his behavioral issues. He would have been drugged and tied to a bed and allowed to die slowly. I think my house is a better option. I was raised by a woman who did not want children yet. She had her own issues. She planned to put me up for adoption but relatives talked her out of it. I was abused physically and emotionally. I was told that I ruined her life and how she didn't want me. So while I did have my bio family it was not a happy childhood. I have no relationship with my mom now. I spent my childhood feeling like no one wanted me or loved me. Personally I think given a choice I would have traded the biological connection for parents who actually wanted and loved me. The truth is none of us knows how our lives would be if things were different. I think some people assume that everyone will feel what they felt. I don't go around saying that cause my bio mom was abusive no one should give birth.
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kakuehl
I know it's rough for you who have adopted to have your reasons examined and rejected and to be told over and over that your children would be better off in their family of origin.
None of us was raised in a perfect family and we can all say if only...
momraine
The truth is none of us knows how our lives would be if things were different.