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FINALLY! I found this thread, I couldn't find it...
Anyways, I feel like BFing would be awesome, but I do have some concerns.
a) if there is an adoption disruption... how will it make me feel?
b) Can I start in advance of a match and keep pumping for a while and freeze? (I think not pumping for a certain baby would feel less bad...)
c) How does it work in the hospital if BM or hospital is not supportive.. is it too late if it takes us a few days to get started?
d) HOW do I start? WHOM do I connect with? Ob-gyn/ doctor/ lactation consultant? Do I need a prescription for meds?
Any tips on getting started for any of the above issues is much appreciated. I am not yet matched and am really intrigued by the process...
Thanks
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These are the positives and negatives as I see them:
- I want to start this before I got in a match, if I started this after a match and it was a failed match, I feel like it would hurt like hell.. I do think with our agency though, we'd be rematched fairly quickly (months rather than years).
- What is the match fails? Will I feel even more depressed if I have milk and sore boobs? Emotional concerns, basically...
- If the first mom is not into it, or the hospital is not into it, it can really interfere with the process.
- How hard will it be for me personally? I think it's different for everyone? How long does it take? (I need to do some more research)
On the positive:
+ Lucky to have a chance at this experience with today's technology and
+ great bonding experience with the baby
+ Allow me to feel I am really the child's mommy (not to take away from First mom, but I mean as an "acting parent.") and also I feel sometimes IF took some of my womanhood away and I feel this would help me feel more "whole" and not in a selfish way either, it's what babies are designed to do!
+ Great nutrients for the baby
+ Even if I don't produce enough milk, it's something!
+ Cost savings on an even better product
+ Healthier for ME reduces my risks of several types of cancer, etc.. which concerns me after my history with IF t/x
I'd love to hear thoughts/ feelings/ recommendations.
Thanks-
Jess
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usisarah
I don't have time to post right now...just wanted to let you know I'll post back this evening. If you have time, I'd encourage you to read through as many of the threads on this forum as possible. Also do a search on dr. jack newman in google or something...really good info there.
My thoughts in blue
If you have any more specific questions, feel free to keep posting or PM me.
BoxofRain
These are the positives and negatives as I see them:
- I want to start this before I got in a match, if I started this after a match and it was a failed match, I feel like it would hurt like hell.. I do think with our agency though, we'd be rematched fairly quickly (months rather than years). As far as starting before or after a match, if the match fails, I don't think the fact that you started before a match will make it any easier.
- What is the match fails? Will I feel even more depressed if I have milk and sore boobs? Emotional concerns, basically...I do think the fact that I had prepared to breastfeed did make our failed match a little harder to swallow. For one, we did get to the point that we decided an infant adoption wasn't the route for us anymore. So I had to wean myself. Not fun continuing to pump knowing there is not a reason for it, KWIM. Also, I had frozen the milk I pumped during the match. So every time I opened the freezer I was reminded of the failed match. That said, I'd do it again if I ever felt like infant adoption was for us
- If the first mom is not into it, or the hospital is not into it, it can really interfere with the process.People have different opinions on this one. For me, I felt like I needed to discuss the fact that I wanted to breastfeed with the emom. I didn't ever get to do this because she was never willing to talk to me, even over the phone (our match ended up being pretty atypical) and this wasn't something I just wanted to send in a text. The reason I felt I needed to discuss the issue with emom to make sure she was ok with it is that I don't think I'd ever be comfortable knowing another woman was breastfeeding my child. So if I was going to breastfeed an adopted child (yes I know once the adoption takes place it's my child, but it's never NOT her child), I wanted to make sure emom was comfortable with it. If it wasn't something she wanted for her child, the match wasn't for us. If emom is comfortable with it, I would think breastfeeding at the hospital would be easier. But I wouldn't do it before TPR is signed unless emom insists on it. That's her time with the baby. That's just my take on it. If baby doesn't get to the breast right away, it's not a huge issue (although it would be easier if baby got to the breast right away). Personally, I would be open to the birth mother breastfeeding herself if she felt comfortable doing that. The baby gets bonding and colostrum that way.
- How hard will it be for me personally? I think it's different for everyone? How long does it take? (I need to do some more research)It depends on the resources you have. After doing the protocol, I started pumping about six times a day for a couple of minutes on each side. I had stopped breastfeeding a bio child just over two years prior to starting the protocol, so I think it was easier for me. After about six weeks I had a decent supply going. Results do vary...some people pump and pump for weeks and still only see drops. That doesn't mean you won't have any milk when baby comes.
On the positive:
+ Lucky to have a chance at this experience with today's technology and
+ great bonding experience with the baby
+ Allow me to feel I am really the child's mommy (not to take away from First mom, but I mean as an "acting parent.") and also I feel sometimes IF took some of my womanhood away and I feel this would help me feel more "whole" and not in a selfish way either, it's what babies are designed to do!I have not had to go through IF, but I would just say that I hope that if you do try inducing lactation and it doesn't work the way you would like, that you don't blame yourself and think of yourself as less of a woman, KWIM?
+ Great nutrients for the baby
+ Even if I don't produce enough milk, it's something!
+ Cost savings on an even better productInducing lactation is not necessarily cheaper than formula feeding depending on how you go about it.
+ Healthier for ME reduces my risks of several types of cancer, etc.. which concerns me after my history with IF t/x
I'd love to hear thoughts/ feelings/ recommendations.
Thanks-
Jess
usisarah- Thanks so much for your advice and support. I truly appreciate it. I got in touch with a lactation consultant, so I guess we'll meet first and take it from there. The emotional part... it's hard to know. I guess, knowing we are doing a domestic infant adoption no matter what helps a bit with that. And also knowing (drawing from my own experience with pregnancy and repeated pregnancy loss) is that if something is going to hurt, that trying to make it "hurt less" isn't always the most successful strategy. I had never considered I could freeze milk for later so that helps too. It also helps knowing our agency's predicted wait times.
I agree about the BM's feelings about this and also the hospital's, I read a few threads about this and am feeling a little more comfortable. I guess it helps actually prepare me too that if BM wants to nurse, that could be a great thing. I guess it's so hard to picture talking to a BM not even knowing the BM. But I agree, I would prefer it's someone who thinks like us, so it would be nice for a more comfortale match.
If I have more questions, I will definitely ask!
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