Remembering the baby we lost

I'm sorry for the loss you experienced. We, too, had a failed placement of a newborn in Sept. 2000. I think of "Emily" often and wonder what kind of life she's having, if she's happy and well taken care of. It doesn't hurt in the same fresh way it did in the beginning, but there's a sad part of my heart that will always think of her as my first child. We still have the pictures we took, made all the more precious because my parents were with us at the hospital and my mom passed away six months later - so she didn't have the privilege of meeting my daughters who were born just 10 weeks after her death. (((hugs))) to you as you remember your precious girl.

Twinsmom, thank you for your reply! It is something many of us have been through, at some point in our efforts to build our families through adoption. We'd had several possibilities that fell through, along with several infertility treatments that did the same, before we had any children. But I was very thankful that I didn't actually have a baby in my arms for a while and have to give it back until after I had five other children. When the little girl I had to give back was born, my fifth child was still a baby, 20 months old. Had I had to go back to an empty house, I know the pain would have been much worse.I just worry so much about that little girl, because of the situation she was born into. Had it happened with any of my other children, I at least would have known that they were being adequately cared for. I found my little girl just 18 days later. I thought she was in Arizona, and she was actually in Miami. I still felt like it was right for me to try to get the first little girl. Maybe the fact that someone else wanted her might have helped the mother see her as having more value than she might otherwise have. Anyway, I hope some kind of good came of it.So, did you adopt twins soon after the baby you lost? How long did you have her? I am sorry to hear about your mother. Had she been ill for a while? I suspect that your mother may have met your daughters, just not here. I like to think that my oldest son, who passed away two years ago, met my new grandson when he was getting ready to be born. Best wishes and hugs to you too!

The arrival of our twins was surrounded by what we feel were "God-incidences" (rather than coincidences). If our calculations are correct, they were conceived at about the same time Emily's placement was falling through. We had Emily for less than a day - and she hadn't yet been released from the hospital. One consolation for me was that we hadn't taken her home with us yet. Although the pain was excrutiating. My mom had been ill off and on for awhile, but we didn't anticipate her dying quite as soon as she did. From the time we lost Emily, she kept saying to me that we would adopt twins. I reminded her repeatedly that our agency had never placed a multiple birth in its history, so it wasn't likely. Shortly before her death, she began insisting that not only we would adopt twins, we would have twin girls. A week after her passing, we found out about the girls' birthmom and that she was considering placing her unborn babies. She spent 8 weeks on bed rest in the hospital before the girls made their grand entrance at 31 weeks, just over 3 lbs each, but healthy as horses! God had it all worked out for us, that's for sure!