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Long story short, I became pregnant when I was 17 and 21 and have two biological children whose biological dad was not often in their lives. (due to immaturity on his part and inability to care about parenting)
A few years later, I met and married a wonderful man who became a wonderful stable father to my two children.
The children's biological father's parental rights were terminated and their stepfather adopted them.
I am open to some form of contact between our children and their biological father, but don't know how much is too much and what the effects of the contact will be.
Ever since the adoption the children's bio father has been very eager to visit and call and bring presents and have all kind of contact.
Problem is, that when he talks to our 7 year old, he undermines her daddy and myself (in underhanded ways: For instance he'll say something like... "He puts you to bed at 8 oclock? When you were at my house you could stay up until midnight) He also virtually ignores the 3 year old. (He never had a relationship with him so I'm guessing he doesn't care to establish one?)
I believe it's important for the kids to have some level of contact, but don't know how much is too much. Is it a good idea to allow occasional daytime visits? Unlimited phone contact?
I would REALLY appreciate someone helping my out and offering me some advice.
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I would open the the door very slowly. Start with some rules. Like no undermining their father ect. Limit gifts if at all just in the beginning. Have visits in a place where you have total control and he can't get alone with them. He can really mess them up in a matter of a few minutes. Ice cream shops or restaurants are a good place for this.
Go slow. It is much more difficult to take it away once you have started. If bd does well and is respectful of you, then you can always give more.
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