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Ok so this is my first post ever. so forgive me not sure of all the correct abbr.
Here is my story in short form. my partner and I decided that we wanted to do foster care and had the process started. In May 2011 I was contacted by my steb-brother who I have not spoken to in 5 yrs asking me if there was anyway I could take care of his newborn because the CPS was going to put him in FC, because the mother had no prenatal care and baby tested positive for drugs in his stool. So of course I was like yes no problem. So since then I have welcomed them in my home and had an open door policy for visits, after visits became further and further apart I made a schedule for them to visit everyother day for two hours each visit. I have done everything in my power to help them and know I find out that that are trash talking me to the FC worker and lying about stuff that is just stupid to lye about, thank goodness the FC worker and I know how they are so we just blow off the small lilttle lies they tell. My point is I have done so much for them and they are n ot even trying to do whats right to get baby back. REALLY makes me so made that they would throw me under the bus like that.
So I was thinking about telling the FC worker that I dont want them in my home anymore and set visits up at the local DHS building. That way I didnt have to deal with them at all anymore. Do you think that is good idea or should I just suck it up and let them talk trash and know that what I am doing is better for baby then for myself? any advice???:grr:
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I think it is a good idea to have the visits at the office. Its on neutral ground and it may help. Also document (if you are not already) in a spiral or compistion type book everything that is going on with the child. How the visits are going etc. I think most social workers dont belive everything that the parents say so i would not worry too much about that. He is properly just trying to make hime self look good. Good Luck
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Well, we've learn that it isn't uncommon for natural parents to trash talk the foster parents. It hurts more, I'm sure, because he's your brother who reached out to you for help. But that is how it goes. Defenitely go to the office for visits. Keep it as business like as possible.
We're doing a kinship placement too and our worker suggested the office for visits. So, even though I'm comfortable with visits in my home, we plan on following her advice. I guess it makes things less sticky.
Make sure you document everything in a notebook (no feelings just facts). At least your caseworker is on your side. That is what is important.
Thanks for all the good advice I emailed the case worker and we are meeting on tuesday! Do you believe they had the nerve to say they are worried about me getting to attached to the baby! Do they not realize what can happen to a child who doesnt have that connection!. I think the problem is My step monster(mother) wants the baby had her house but was already turned down because of past CPS history on her! and she wouldnt follow the rules of the system so the baby would basically be back with his parents.
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Visits have always been a trying time with the foster kids that we have had. It seems that we have either built a rapport with the birth family or they are convinced we are evil...one extreme or the other with no real reason why it is one way or the other. The adversarial ones are dead set upon proving that somehow everything is your fault (even though you are just helping their kids through a rough time). Maybe it calms their own guilt. In their minds you are part of the system that took their children. Even though you had nothing to do with taking them and have nothing to do with giving them back. Sometimes having the FC worker explain this to them helps, but usually not, they are so entrenched in this idea that they can't let go of it. We have gone through this with 12 foster kids and have found that the best way to deal with it is to simply ignore it and just do the best job you can do. Also document everything so that false accusations cannot stick.
Tillie
Visits have always been a trying time with the foster kids that we have had. It seems that we have either built a rapport with the birth family or they are convinced we are evil...one extreme or the other with no real reason why it is one way or the other. The adversarial ones are dead set upon proving that somehow everything is your fault (even though you are just helping their kids through a rough time). Maybe it calms their own guilt. In their minds you are part of the system that took their children. Even though you had nothing to do with taking them and have nothing to do with giving them back. Sometimes having the FC worker explain this to them helps, but usually not, they are so entrenched in this idea that they can't let go of it. We have gone through this with 12 foster kids and have found that the best way to deal with it is to simply ignore it and just do the best job you can do. Also document everything so that false accusations cannot stick.
The baby will have a much better future if you separate from the drug using birth parents and let the child grow up in a healthy home environment. Yes, you need to distance yourself and the child from these type of people and the sooner the better. I know in my state if the birth family has a history of drugs and/or the foster family feels threatened, they must accommodate your request for supervised visits.
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