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I am swimming in anxiety right now. Some anger, mountains of frustration and sadness. I'm not sure why I'm posting this - I mainly want to tell someone and be heard.
Here's our story:
3 weeks ago - agency called - successful match has been made - baby coming Aug 5. Get ready.
Last Tuesday - 12 pm - agency called. Bad news - birth mum changed her mind. Stand down.
Last Tuesday - 12:01 - the greiving begins.
Last Friday - call the agency - can we have the deposit back please? I mean, it's a deposit, and well, you know - there's no adoption, so give it back.
Monday this week - agency calls. "Do you mind if we keep the $ for a little bit?"
Me: "Why?"
Agency: "Because the birth mother wants to see us tomorrow and she's leaning toward changing her mind back to adoption."
Me: "Ok fine"
Tuesday (2 days ago) - agency calls - meeting was cancelled because she went to hospital with labour.
Me: "and what are her intentions?"
Agency: "the last we spoke with her, she wanted to proceed with the adoption."
Me: "are you sure?"
Agency: "mostly sure. just need to finalize."
Wednesday - radio silence - agency will not return calls.
Thursday (today) - same.
I assume that's bad news, but the agency should have the professionalism to share that info with me!
Anyways, thanks for listening. I'm sitting at work right now and frankly i cannot concentrate one bit ...
I'm just swimming in anxeity and anger ...
I realize it's the not the agency's fault, but to put us through that once, and then to do it again the next week?! WTF?!!
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Hi Whitbread, Just wanted to say this sounds really hard, and I hope you get some solid information soon! (Even if the only information available is that the mom is still making up her mind what she wants to do -- you still have the right to be TOLD that and not be left in limbo!) This particular board doesn't get a lot of traffic -- you might want to post on the General Adoptive Parent Support Board and you'll get more responses. Good luck!
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The waiting is among the worst times, and I am so sorry that you are in it now. We have had waiting times that ended sadly (with the birth mom deciding to parent) and then waiting times that ended with us getting our son (from the same mom who had originally decided to parent), but none-the-less, waiting is excrutiating. Hang in there!
thanks for your kind words everyone.
turns out she changed her mind. so we move on ... sigh
You know what? this may sound weird, but I was actually not as crazy after we got the bad news than I was during the waiting period ... as you can tell, I don't have a lot of patience when it comes to this stuff
I think the not knowing is always worse! When you find out, even if it is bad news, you can at least start working toward recovering from it and moving on. Our first adopted child was born in 1983 and everything has changed tremendously since then. Most of the changes are good, but the practice of matching before the baby is due, and having the prospective adoptive parents know about it, is a mixed blessing. Back then, they didn't say a thing to us until the baby was in their custody and the birth parents' had all ready relinquished. Then, we would get a call telling us to pick up our baby, usually within 24 hours. The good part of that was that, if someone changed her mind and decided to keep the baby, we hadn't even heard about it. I hope you will soon get your baby! It DOES eventually happen, even though sometimes you wonder if you will ever make it!
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