Best Way to Cut Ties?

Change your phone number. Password protect your FB page and "unfriend" her. Contact your local police about getting a restraining order to keep her -- and him -- away from your property. Since she admits to already knowing where you live, and having done a drive by, it should be doable.Contact the police in the town where they live and report him as an offender. He should have registered with them. Failure to do so is a crime, I believe.

I feel as though we have lost all of our safety and sanity. I couldn't go to sleep until 6 this morning b/c I was terrified that the instant I went to sleep he would be in my house. It sounds so unrealistic I know but I ask any of you to look up Guill VS. Commonwealth of VA and let me know what you all think. Tell me how you would deal. I haven't spoken with my sister yet on this today but I have in the past spoken with her and was very adamant about this topic. We are not at all ok with any types of offenders or criminals. If you choose that type of behavior then you know the consequences and should have to deal with them. I understand that there are people who do things and then amend their behaviors and live upstanding lives but to ever hurt a child is not one of those things you can ever amend. It is not on the list of "fixable" offenses in my mind. Call me judgemental as some have or what you'd like but that is me and I am not changing the way I feel about it. Not only has this person done this but they did it TWO TIMES! Sounds like they really wanted to change, huh? The question is not whether I will break ties...it is solely what is the best way, you know? I don't need more stress right now and my oldest daughter has already been afraid to go to bed because of this man. Admittedly, that is my fault because I have been so upset about it and she has heard me talking to my sister on this. I am not going to let my oldest know because I want her to feel safe in her home. Thank you for all opinions and helpful comments...Keep them coming.

I cut those ties, yes siree I did! I had to. We went on a trip to WV for my sister to meet her birthfather and although he was a very sweet person (in spite of the fact he is also a drug abuser), my half sister and I just can't have a relationship. She is very selfish, seems only concerned with what's in it for her, and threatened to hit me at one point. I calmly told her that would be the only time she made that mistake and drove her back to her birthfather's house. She told me she wanted me to leave, she said she didn't want me there and so I left. Now, I hear from her adoptive father that she is plastering facebook blaming me for "leaving her there"... I have blocked her numbers, blocked her text messages, and just to put this out there (hope I don't get in trouble for it), she left her camcorder in my car. I looked on it and it has her and her boyfriend doing drugs on it. I was wondering what anyone's opinions are as to what should be done with this info...??? I had thought about downloading it as a type of insurance, erasing the video camera to let her "know" I had seen it and sending it back. I am sending it back because although she lied to me and told me she had no money and was basically sucking me dry the entire way of the trip, the camera is not mine and I am not like her and will not keep what is not mine. Your thoughts???:coffee:

Honestly? It sounds like she needs a lot of help. You may be better off turning over the video footage to the law. She may hate you for it, but it sounds like she needs help but may not be willing to get it on her own. Her actions speak louder than words. :( Im sorry your dealing with this, its very unfair to you.

I had thought about this and I know she would hate me. That isn't what keeps me from doing that. It is that I have never seen someone who is so emotionally "dead". Literally, no emotion unless it is anger. None.whatsoever.about.anything.at.all. It blows my mind! It wouldn't make a difference to her except to fuel what is already very abundant in her life. Anger and more anger...We were foster kids who were in our foster homes for a good while. She was in hers since she was 2 off and on til she was 4 and then she went in to a semi-permanent one til she was 7. That is when we were adopted. I was 5. I had been in a foster home since I was 11 months old but had been in and out probably earlier than that. We were adopted by my adoptive parents but she had just gotten to where she was trusting her foster parents enough that she thought they were going to keep her. Then we were adopted and that messed all that up. Her adoption only lasted 2-2 1/2 years when my adoptive parents came to me and asked me what I thought about them sending her back to her foster family. She was desperately unhappy and depression as well as agression towards me had my adoptive parents concerned she was going to hurt me. She was also trying to split my adoptive parents up and go live with my adoptive father if she suceeded. She almost did but fortunately, my adoptive father did finally see what my mother had been talking about. I don't remember much of this. Anyway, she went back to her foster family who said they had made a mistake by letting her go and they wanted her back. I said if it would make her happy to let her go. She went back but I don't think it ever was the same for her. I think she no longer trusted people--much less the ones who were supposed to have loved her "forever". She had already been through all the "visits" with our birthmother who would sometimes show up and sometimes not. This woman promised all kinds of things but never delivered. I struggle with that as a mother. You have the best of intentions for your kids but sometimes things happen and you can't do what you want to. My sister just was so emotionally abused and she just shut down. Now, I don't think she will ever come back around. It breaks my heart... On another note, I am looking now to revamp my whole parenting strategy because I really don't have one since I was raised in boarding school--not at home and we know my birthmother wasn't a good example. I want to not spank or yell, but be positive and warm. Spanking rarely occurred for my kid but I really don't believe it teaches anything but I am bigger and stronger. It was a huge eye opener too when I found out last night that my child was hit in the eye by another child at school LAST YEAR but she never came to tell me because she feared what I would do about it at the school. I do feel like I would have been justified since we had already been to the school over two girls who were bullying my child and this child is just another of the group that managed to fly under my radar. But first, my thoughts turn to what am I doing wrong that made my beautiful girl feel like she couldn't come tell me. The answers were right there in my face. I am loud, aggressive, passionate, but at the same time, I am DESPERATE for my kids to be safe, happy, individuals. That made me feel like a failure to know she didn't "trust" me enough to let me know someone was being mean and physically abusive to her. I just want my babies to grow up to be happy, confident women who don't question everything they do (as I all too often do). Please...does anyone here use Positive Parenting and can you help me to learn? Thanks and sorry for such a long post...

I don't know the perfect way to end a family relationship. But I will share how I did it.In my own case I was kept as an outsider by all my a-family for the 18 years I lived with them. I was tainted and suspect. How could I be an equal, or be allowed to be a part of a family. I was always criticized and there was a large amount of abuse at all levels. In my own eyes, I knew that I would never be able to be an equal with my peers or school friends -- I wasn't "unique" or "special" simply "different from" all the people I knew. My main focus through it all was to hear someone say, "we love you, you have value and worth and we want you to be a part of us."In the end, I gave up. I recognized it was not going to happen. I kept the deathbed promises i had made to my dying a-father, altho it nearly destroyed me.After 30 years of abuse and criticism I called the family together and told them the end was in sight for my continued care and concern for my a-mother. There would be no more. In a case of catastrophic illness, she was now the concern of the family. They would have to manage with out me.She was the first step toward family separation.The 2nd step came a few years later when my 2 sibling non related brothers continued to use me. After looking at our relationship through the years again I saw the ongoing abuse. The abuse from them came in the form of financial aid, and vacations from their various spouses and families.Each time I provided the support I watched to see if my status as an "outsider" had changed, and perhaps they had allowed me to be a part of their family -- or at least an equal. But, it was not to be. No one said what can we do for you? How can we help you?In the end my "outsider" status remained.Again i gave up. I sent them a good bye letter and ended it. I want no more relationships with them.All I ask is to live in piece. To date they have not answered, and the longer it goes the better. Our relationship has ended.My only questioning is why it took so long. I can only guess that when those of us as adoptees have a focus on being a part of "family" and giving up our "outsider" status, it takes a long time to see that it is not going to work. Nothing will change.I wish you the best.