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I am helping a friend search for BPs. He has nonID info so he knows that mom was merely 13. Not even sure if birthmom knew she was pregnant before going to hospital. This has led adoptee wonder if this was a situation where the birthmom may have been taken advantage of and that this is not a welcomed memory for her. As a community of folks full of experience with adoption - what do you think? If this was a difficult experience for mom -should we try to contact if we find her? Just for the sake of discussion...
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Julski, You don't reference how long ago the adoption was so take this for what it is worth. Many adoptees find out that their non-id is a pack of lies. Seriously all of it is a pack of lies. On the other hand, it may very well be the truth but unless it says she was raped, I would not assume it was rape...kids do dumb things at that age. And yes, adoptees have also found out they are products of rape and that it is their story, but I also don't think it is something that should stop someone from searching. If it is the mothers story there is a chance she will not want contact - but I highly doubt that search will suddenly make her remember the rape - I doubt very much you could ever forget that so while it may bring it to the surface, I doubt it was far below the surface ever. The adoptees call but what if the mother just did a dumb teenage act? Kind regards,Dickons
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I'd keep trying to have contact. Until the bmother is contacted, you won't know the real situation. So often there are so many lies told, in reports/files, by family members etc. I was told my bmother was a prositute and didn't want me by her cousin, my amother. Neither was true.
If the bmother says she doesn't want contact, in this situation I wouldn't push it...but until she says it, I wouldn't give up.
When I was at the Gladney residential home one of the other girls there was 13. Her boyfriend (if I recall correctly) was older. She could have been taken advantage of. I can tell you she was one of a the minority who ended up choosing to parent after her baby was born. I would not take her young age (assuming that is accurate) as a sign that she would not want contact. The odds are that she is in the vast majority of birthmothers who want reunion.