One more rant

for me....i had adopted 4 boys and 1 girl already. i wanted 1 more girl for some balance....and the 1 girl we have we adopted as an older child and we all wanted the experience of raising a little girl. even my older daughter looked forward to having a young sister. since i could pick, i did. she is definitely our last.....and our little princess. :) i am sad that some will view that as similar to picking out a puppy at a pound because she is a child who needed a home and we were a family who wanted a baby. she needed a home as much as my sons did...she just happens to be a girl. my daughters parents said they just wanted to find someone who would love her...and we do, very much. for the record, we did not care about health, ten fingers, or ten toes, and actually sought out to adopt a child who had more needs than a typical child. but....we just really wanted to parent another daughter. this is the first time we have chosen to specifically adopt a child of a certain gender. i'm glad i didn't do it before, but i do not regret doing so now. i think it was well within your right to choose or not choose families based on their preference of gender, as much as it would be within another parents right to choose a family based on this. i think this is one of those topics that people get very passionate about on both sides....and i think it is just one of those things that i am glad people think differently about. i'm glad some people want girls, i know other families who requested boys, some families who did not request, and others who requested one- were placed with the other and would not change a thing. i'm glad not everyone is wishing for the same thing. :)

I always wanted to adopt a girl, and I have ended up adopting the most wonderful little boy.

My husband really wanted a little boy but we ended up with the most precious little girl and he is completely in love with her!

I originally specified wanting a boy; I had been told many times that if I didn't specify I would probably end up adopting a boy, and so I started to see myself with a son. More than that, though, I think I needed to feel some sense of what to expect. I didn't know when, or how much notice I would have, or race, or anything. I think in the beginning I was looking for some sense of certainty. I changed to not caring a few months later, but I think there can be a lot of reasons that people make that choice. By the way, I have the most amazing son, but I would have been just as happy with a baby girl.

I haven't specified because I don't care. I just want a healthy baby. If I already had one or the other, though, I can see where I might want the opportunity to raise a child of the opposite gender.I can definitely see where you're coming from but I think everyone has their reasons for specifying or not. It's not necessarily that they see it as "picking out a puppy from the pound".

The first time I adopted I kind of wanted a girl cause I had two boys, but I was open to either. I got a precious girl (who has 8 fingers and three toes). The next time I didn't care and got a boy (zero toes and five fingers)

I can't speak for couples adopting a baby, but with my second adoption I was only approved for a girl. It wasn't because I was desperate for a girl, and I have since been blessed with my son, but because my first daughter has issues that meant a son at that time was not a good idea. She had real men issues with trust, and tended to be hostile towards boys. It improved a lot before my sons adoption, but at the time it was decided I should look at girls onlyWith the first adoption, I preferred a girl, but if the absolute perfect boy had come along, I would have pushed to adopt him. I think it's okay to have a preference for one, many birth parents have a prefence as well, although I would still have been blessed if I had adopted a son, and I wasn't absolutely set on a girl, although I strongly felt I wanted to raise a daughter

My agency didn't allow PAP to specify. I would have had a hard time choosing a family which specified - in part because I don't believe in finding out the sex of the baby before he/she is born. I personally think it's one of the only really good surprises that happens anymore (totally my own quirk and I realize I'm not the norm here). So I didn't know the sex of the baby until after I had chosen PAP, in fact no one knew the sex until after the baby was born. Personally even if I knew the sex, I wouldn't have chosen a family that specified. I think it would have made me feel that parents had specific expectations for my child and if those weren't met, they may not love my child as much. Like if they wanted a girl to be their princess in frilly dresses and I had a daughter who wanted to play sports and be a tom boy would they feel cheated? Again, I realize families may not feel that way, but it would be a worry in my head.

i totally understand what you are saying. i want to dress my daughter in frilly dresses and hairbows, have tea parties, and take her to ballet. i do. i guess that is an expectation of mine. however.....i also acknowledge that she may want to wear pants, have short hair, and play soccer.....and i will still love her. i don't think it is crazy to have expectations, as long as you know they are just a wish....and recognize that even little tiny children have expectations of their own(and are often more stubborn than i am, lol). my new little dd does not like hairbows, but does like pretty dresses. lol. so each day she wears a pretty pretty dress, and makes her hair look as messy as possible as soon as i've brushed it. soooo.....not exactly as i had planned(no joke she can make her hair stand straight off the side of her head about 4 inches in each direction!), but i don't feel disappointed. do i wish she also had 2 neat little braids with a hairbow? heck ya! do i love her any less? no way. maybe she'll be a rockstar :rockband: when she grows up instead of a ballerina. ;)

I understand it's very different when it's a foster to adopt or adopting older children. With that said my agency would allow adoptive couples to specify if they desired and I personally didn't want to find out the sex until I had already decided on adoption and a couple because I felt it would make my choice harder if I knew before. I guess I just feel like if you are having a family a traditional way that you wouldn't have a choice in gender and I don't understand the disconnect. Personally I feel that when they specify a gender that it means they only want specific things that can't be guaranteed and all I want is for my child to have a family to love him unconditionally the way I do.

I see nothing wrong with specifying gender. You get to specify race, which has very little to do with personality or behavior and the way a child would fit in your family. You get to specify special needs, which you could not control if you get pregnant, why not gender? I want to adopt an older girl, open to any race, some special needs, age 5-11. May be open to one sibling if she is also female and within my age range. So why am I constantly being shown profiles of boys? I have no desire to raise a boy. None. There is nothing wrong with boys, I just don't want one. No one seems to make you justify racial or special needs preference, so why gender? To me it's a perk of adoption. When i was pregnant with my daughter, I 110% wanted a girl. I didnt even choose a boys name. Would i have loved her if she had been a he? Of course. Would i have been disappointed? Definitely. As far as I know, I can get pregnant. I choose not to, because I have a stepdaughter and a bio daughter and I want a sister for them. No one in my family wants a boy. Why would I bring a child into a family that was anything less than 100% wanted by every family member? I have been asked would I take a girl with a brother? No. I'm sure there are families out there for the many special little boys that need homes. We are not that family. Why try to force it? I don't feel like I'm buying a puppy. I just know what will work for my family, and am trying to be honest about it.

I actually understand a little more of specifying race. If you are a white couple I don't see anything wrong with wanting your child to somewhat resemble you. If only for the reason of not wanting to explain every time someone looks at your family to wonder where there child came from. It's great that you know what you want but to me it just seems silly and superficial and I don't like it. But this is also why I went through an agency that allowed me to pick my couple because not everyone i going to be a good match.

While it may seem silly & superficial to you, perhaps you could try understanding people's very valid reasons for choosing how they want to build their families. Just like they respect your right to choose how you wanted to find parents for your child. After all, I'm sure you don't want to be judged for your choices either.

Truthfully, after 16 years of marriage, many years of infertility, and then 3 pregnancy losses, all I care about is becoming a mom. I don't care about the baby's gender, and will be happy with whatever God, or the universe decides to gift us with through the miracle of adoption. Our EM happens to be our niece, and she is due with a baby girl in November. We are so excited to become parents to a baby that will actually come home with us! And, when we adopt again in the future, we will be happy again with whatever the fates decide to bestow on us. I don't care if the baby is a boy or girl, so we will never specify. I guess it all depends on what the family situation is for prospective parents. In our situation, we would never think of specifying.