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Hi everyone! Right now we have 3 young children still in our home (2 older children grown and on their own). I have a 7 year old boy we adopted from vietnam in 2006, an 11 year old birth daughter, and a 15 year old son who we adopted who was placed in our home as a foster child at the age of 13 From day 1 (to include previous placements and in his birth family) our 15 year old had significant behavior issues both in the home and at school. His behaviors in the home have included stealing and lying and destruction of some belongings of the other children. There have had to be a lot of adjustments and changes to accommodate these behaviors that have effected the other children. With all this, there is continual anamosity between these 3 kids that doesn't seem to be improving at all because the behaviors have continued and the others have developed a significant distrust for the 15 year old. We are caught between understanding why the younger 2 kids are feeling this way and wanting everyone to get along and at least peacefully coexist. Any thoughts? Thanks!
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I have no advice for you, but I just wanted to say I know exactly what you mean! I have nine children, three were sibling groups and one was a single boy, S, who is now 15. S was the fourth one to join our family. He has always been the one to lie and steal and destroy other people's property, and the other kids are always at odds with him, or he with them. Even though he's been with our family for 11 years, I know he still sometimes feels like the outsiders because the other kids don't want to include him in things because of how he's treated them. I'm just upfront with him about it, and just drill into him every day that he must treat others how he wants to be treated. The other teens have just kinda learned how to deal with him, and they've sort of learned how to read him so they know when to just stay away. They are maturing enough to know that they've still got to try to be nice and then he might actually respond nicely. THey have been doing more things with him lately, but I have no real explanation for it! Oh and you know what? One thing S enjoys is cooking so I try to let him cook dinner at least once a week. This way he's doing something productive that he's proud of, that benefits all the kids, and it goes a long way when the other kids eat and say "mmm good!" Good luck! Sometimes time is just what's needed, although I know with a boy that age, there isn't necessarily a lot of time!
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