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:grr: My ex, who has adopted both of my bio kids through a step-parent adoption (while we were still together) is playing mind games with our son and daughter, but it is most outwardly affecting our son. It was so bad that I took our son to play therapy, which he did for over a year, and during that time the ex and I also went to mediation due to the crap my ex was putting our son through. Our daughter also went to play therapy, and my worst fear was that once the therapy ended, and there was no longer a third party involved, that the manipulative, unhealthy behaviors from my ex would escalate...and that's exactly what is happening. My poor son is made to feel bad about having fun with me and my partner, and after we've all had a really great day, the next day my son is very rude, disrespectful, and acts like he hates being with us.
I know for a fact that my ex is making him feel bad about having a great time with us. Just this week alone, my son, partner and I have had two conversations about how it's OK to love people and that WE are ALWAYS happy when he's happy and we would never make him feel bad about having fun with people or loving people. Amazingly, his crappy attitude goes "POOF"-gone, he looks/acts relieved, and then is in a really, really wonderful mood and just yesterday he said, "I wish I could live with you full time". This poor kid doesn't know what he's supposed to feel, and we're constantly trying to un-do the emotional damage that my ex puts on him.
So, now I don't know what to do. We've had him in therapy, gone to mediation, and now it's like NOTHING was ever done to change/improve the situation. WHAT DO I DO NOW??? :confused:
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I just wanted to say I am so sorry you and your children are having to go through this. It sounds like you are doing the best thing you can which is to keep talking to your son. Eventually the children will be old enough to understand that while their dad is spewing hate and trying to make them "choose" between the two of you, you are showing them love and acceptance of their feelings in your home. Just keep trying to be the better person and support your kids. I think at this point that is about all you can do.
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Ians mom
I just wanted to say I am so sorry you and your children are having to go through this. It sounds like you are doing the best thing you can which is to keep talking to your son. Eventually the children will be old enough to understand that while their dad is spewing hate and trying to make them "choose" between the two of you, you are showing them love and acceptance of their feelings in your home. Just keep trying to be the better person and support your kids. I think at this point that is about all you can do.
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I have always taken the high road no matter how much it's tearing me up inside, because I do know that eventually the kids will be able to see through what's happening at the other house. My son is actually starting to say things that let me know he's not buying some of the bologna being fed to him, and while I'm happy that he is able to see some of the things now, it still breaks my heart that he even has to wade through anything of the sort. I don't talk poorly of anything at the other house, and am always supportive and genuinely happy for them when the kids tell me about their fun times over there. I really think that the kids are starting to be more conscious of the attitude disparity between homes and I know that my hard work will be worth it in the end for their emotional well-being. It's just hard.
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