after 20 years of waiting reunion put to a stop

The only thing you can do is wait and see. The forum is quiet on the weekends - hopefully someone with real advice will respond. Kind regards,Dickons

BMTexas, No doubt, you did goof. Maybe put your daughter in a position to feel like she had to choose between being loyal to them or you. Unfortunately there is no manual for reunion. I was a reunited adoptee for 17 yrs when I reunited with my b son...invaluable as I had a better idea than most what to and not to say and how my b son felt towards his really 'real' parents = his adoptive parents. If my own b mother had spoken negatively towards my A parents, I would have dropped her like a hot potato. My son's parents are not the type of people that I would probably choose to have as friends, don't feel that they really like me much, we are not friends but they are good people and I feel certain that God had his hand in placing my son with them. I am wondering if a written apology to her parents might help. Not a letter asking them to intercede but a heart felt apology for being judgemental. It is ok to admit to being disappointed because of your own personal religious beliefs that a couple on a second marriage adopted your daughter but if you are greatful as I am, as I let my b son's parents know, let them know.... Just an idea. My relationship with my son has far exceeded any of my wildest expectations..... 2 1/2 WONDERFUL years. Good luck BMTexas. I hope you can work it out. I understand your pain.

My X was very insensative to my pain about my birthchild. It bothered him so much that he got mad and devorced me and said, "There is no hope for you, it's been one tradgedy after another with you! She is your past and you need to move on!" He just wanted me to foreget it and not let it bother me. And he told me there was no hope for me. I'm remarried now to a man who supports me in a reunion and wants to meet her when she gets ready to reunite, but I also told her I was diagnosed with skitsophrenia and my X was very abusive and cruel to me. Her A mom told my Mom that right now she doesn't want a reunion because she can't help me with my mental illness. That hurts because I have been turned down and dumped by so many people because of my condition: an apprentice possition, my X, my family,my children, the Navy, Goodwill and now my own birthdaughter. Even my mother is communicating with her, but she won't talk to me. I have written her and her family an apology letter for bringing up their marriage situation. That was like 9 mos. ago. She is seemingly talking to everyone in my family except for my younger children. I have a dream of one day renting a car and driving all the way to the next state with my mother, like we did 23 years ago after she was born, but as it stands now my mother and sister will be making that trip without me. I'm going to keep my chin up and keep striving to better myself, hoping that one day my dream will come true and I will see her face to face again, my own flesh and blood. Rhonda

Rhonda, I think many people in our society are just plain scared when it comes to schizophrenia. I've personally seen many cases where families ostracize other family members who suffer from schizophrenia...and I'm talking biological families in which adoption isn't even a factor. It has to be really scary for a young adult to reunite with her birth mother and have to deal with schizophrenia and its symptoms at the same time.I'm sorry that you're in so much pain right now. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. The best thing you can do is to make yourself as healthy as possible. Keep taking your meds, and please call your doctor or therapist if you're really feeling suicidal or self-destructive.

I'm not sure of exactly what you said or how it was worded, but am pretty sure that it classifies as a misstep, yes. It reminds me a lot of something that my A-mom claimed my wife said many years ago. There was a huge fallout from that, but that's another story. It sounds as if your daughter was open to reunion but then something happened to change her mind. If that something is what you said in the letter then I can see where she would take that as "having to choose" between you and the parents she grew up with. Whatever the words were may have been taken entirely differently than you intended, and they may have caused her some confusion and pain. The fact that she is continuing contact with others in your family makes me think that she is still open to contact. She didn't sever all contact with everyone in your family as someone who wants nothing to do with further contact might have done. So that I tend to take as a positive sign. Another thought is don't read too much into who someone is or is not friends with on Facebook. As a parent of two kids (one older than your daughter and one younger) I know that who appears as a friend on that site comes and goes like the tides. I'm afraid I don't have a fix for what has happened between you and your daughter. And maybe that's what your daughter needs to hear...that upon looking back on what you said that you realize now how wrong it was, and that while you wish there was a fix for it you know there isn't. The truth is that future contact is up to her. I wish you both the best. Best, PADJ

Raven, Hello. People in this country accept gays, lesbians, crippled, blacks, but they judge and discourage those who have mental illness. Skitzophrenia has become a dirty word. People in this country are scared about something they don't even understand. All it is is a label they put on people that are scared. Like me, I'm scared of the end times and the beast sytem and it's mark : 666.:rolleyes: But the doctors have not fairly diagnosed me. They lied in court to keep me in the hospital, saying that I was kicking and hitting them and bending back their fingers. I did not of the sort. They try to make as much money as possible for the system and each time I'm hospitalized it costs the government 20,000. I'm not claiming skitzophrenia. I did have a nervous breakdown and another time I was out witnessing to people and someone called the police and they took me streight to the hospital. I don't deserve these labels and I don't belong in a mental hospital. If the Jehova witnesses and the mormans can go out door to door why not I? Rhonda

Rhonda, I'm so sorry that you believe you were wrongly diagnosed. Most psychologists and psychiatrists try to be super careful when diagnosing new patients. Maybe you should request that additional testing be conducted to uphold the diagnosis of schizophrenia.Yes, it is unfair how many people in our civilized society have disdain for the mentally ill. In my own opinion, it's not only tragic, it's a sin. Back in my college days, I watched a fellow chemistry student who was an absolute genius decompensate into schizophrenia with a full-blown psychotic break. It was one of saddest things I've ever witnessed. A few years later, Carlos was set on fire and murdered by some teenagers who thought it was fun to torture homeless people who were suffering from mental illness. Instead of seeing a human being who was worthy of compassion and respect, they only saw an unkempt man who needed a bath badly. They should have at the very least just left him alone instead of turning him into an inferno.I'm sorry you're having such a rough time right now. Rhonda, I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Rhonda I know that you must feel hurt and rejected. Yes you made a mistake, admitted it and apologized. Now you BD does not want anything to do with you. Maybe she will change her mind as she matures. But the bottom line is now this is her problem. You don't need to beat yourself up over this as it is over and done. If you dwell on it you will just keep feeling sad and rejected. You need to move on with your life. Find ways to feel better about yourself. You are not identified by the negativity of other people. In mental illness you have the choice to get better or get worse. Choose to get better and do not hang around where you are not wanted. Nourish the good relationships that you have and try to develop new ones. If things change and BD wants a relationship you will be better and stronger. If not you will still be better and stronger. Good luck!