Why is my bdaughter doing this?

You cant force a relationship with your daughter. The more you approach her, the more she will move away. Strive to hold your own, stand on your own two feet, and I think she will slowly come back. She obviously has anger issues towards you, which she has to resolve. Sorry to hear about your divorce and loss. Don't kill yourself either. I've felt similar experiences in the past. The way out? I just let myself feel the despair, the hurt, the pain, the suicide thoughts, etc.. let them come into your being, observe them... tell them "Is this all you got?" welcome it.. "bring it on!!!". Understand that life is all about experiences .. good and bad... with the bad, comes the good, renewal... life... In time these feelings pass.. nothing is permanent.. Keep your head up and stay strong...

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time right now. If you are really feeling suicidal though, I urge you to contact someone to talk to. If you don't know anyone, please consider calling a suicide hotline. One suggestion is 1-800-273-TALK. Let us know how you are.

I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to have your daughter in reunion with other family members while she is not receptive to having one with you. It seems you got off to a rocky start with her, and she feels more comfortable at the moment reaching out to other members of the family. As hard as it is, try to be happy for her or at least have a little bit of acceptance regarding her right to choose how she navigates her reunion path. I know this is by no means easy, and I would be upset, too, if my child did not want to know me, but was in contact with other family members, especially if those family members were not nice to me! On the other hand, you cannot control what your grown child chooses to do, and probably the worst thing that you could do is make her feel guilty or wrong for how she is pursuing this, or to push her away by coming on too forcefully or demanding contact. I know for me it would also feel like a huge slap in the face to know your child is in a relationship with a relative who was involved in the loss of your child in the first place. I don't think it is intentional, though, on the part of your daughter, to hurt you. As difficult as it is, the best thing you can do is step back and hope/pray that your daughter will at some point want to reconnect with you. I'm afraid the more you push, the more you will push her away. It might help to not see this on Facebook all the time. It is only rubbing salt in the wound. Are there other family members you can talk to about this, who would be more supportive? I agree if you are suicidal, please get some help. Divorce is very hard to go through, on top of everything else, and you are in some very overwheming circumstances right now. I would also suggest counseling to help you sort through all this. It is a lot to have on your plate.

I am also sorry this is so hard on your. Having a troubled reunion, a divorce, and not getting to see your other kids as much as you are used to has to be devastating. Things will get better. Please take the others advice to find help. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.Possibly, your daughter is getting to know you by getting to know the family. The more comfortable she becomes with them, and hears about you, may make it easier to start again with you. Please know most of us adoptees are protective of our aparents. You may not feel they deserve that, but we do. It may be easier to sidestep conversations about them until you have a more solid relationship with her.

If someone told me that,I would tell them to mind there own business and have nothing to do with them,unless your a family member,than I would probably give u another chance.But since she befreinding other relatives,maybe she's wanting to get to know u,but can't befriend u yet.Maybe u can right her a letter or something and let her know that you're still there for her.I would kill myself,because it doesn't help her or u.

I know I did wrong by trying to discuss her parents marriage to my birthdaughter instead of talking to her parents directly. Now I am in the same situation as her parents are. It's like "consider thyself lest thou also be tempted." And yes, it is my business to confront people about this as a believer. It is my business just incase they might repent and turn their lives over to God. I risked losing my daughter forever because I loved her parents enough to tell them the Truth, even if it meant loosing my daughter. Now I need to get my own life streightened out. As for killing myself one of you is right, that will not help me or my daughter, and it definately won't put me in good standing with God. But sometimes I just don't feel like going on, especialy when my daughter is reuniting with all my relatives, even with my cousin who insisted that there was no way I was going to keep my baby when she was my legal guardian, then after the adoption rubbed it in my face. If there was ever a reason I had to hate someone she has definately given me a good reason. I have even had thoughts of killing my cousin because every time we see each other she brings up my daughter. But I try not to hate her and ask God to help me forgive her. And to the senior woman who just now called herself crazy woman, I don't appreciate being called that by acting like you were calling yourself that. It is taken as an insult and I AM NOT crazy because I attempted to help my daughter's parents. I was only thinking of them and I AM NOT CRAZY!!! Rhonda

BMTexas,when a person joins this forum, they have to enter a unique username to sign in with each time they visit. This username can only be changed by a mod (as far as I know). What this means is that the user "CRAZY_WOMAN" created her username back in 2008 when she joined and it was not entered as a slam against you.I just wanted to clear that up.

I didn't call u crazy.I've had that name for years,because I have a lot of cats.If your going to insult her mom,why would she want to be in your life.I just saying if I was her I wouldn't speak to u again,I could understand why she wouldn't.Maybe someday she might get over it.I don't know,I sure wouldn't.

The status of your bdaughter's parents' marriage and remarriages is none of your business. Do you seriously believe that you're helping them become closer to God by passing judgment on them? If their salvation is bothering you, pray for them...but don't put your daughter in the middle. The worst thing you can do in reunion is criticize an adoptee's parents. Of course she's not communicating with you right now -- you've disrespected her parents, and in doing so, you've disrespected her. If you aren't currently in therapy, maybe it would be a good idea to reach out to a trusted counselor or therapist. (There are many Christian-based therapists and counselors.) If you really do have thoughts about killing your cousin, you need to talk to a professional. That's what they're there for...to help people when their lives spiral out of control.

I also posted on your other thread, so some of this may be repetitive. This post says more about what it was that was actually said in your letter, and my other post was wrong. What my A-mom claimed was said years ago is one thing, but it was completely different in that there were no religious or faith based overtones to it. Faith and religious beliefs have been causing disagreement for centuries, and combining that type of topic with reunion with your daughter was a volatile combination. It sounds as if your daughter was open to reunion but then something happened to change her mind. If that something is what you said in the letter then I can see where she would take that as "having to choose" between you and the parents she grew up with. The fact that she is continuing contact with others in your family makes me think that she is still open to contact. She didn't sever all contact with everyone in your family as someone who wants nothing to do with further contact might have done. So that I tend to take as a positive sign. Another thought is don't read too much into who someone is or is not friends with on Facebook. As a parent of two kids (one older than your daughter and one younger) I know that who appears as a friend on that site comes and goes like the tides. I'm afraid I don't have a fix for what has happened between you and your daughter. And maybe that's what your daughter needs to hear...that upon looking back on what you said that you realize now how wrong it was, and that while you wish there was a fix for it you know there isn't. No one here has claimed that you are crazy. No one is debating religious values, which is in my opinion a very personal topic and at least a topic for a different site. The truth is that future contact is up to your daughter. I hope that you obtain the help and guidance you need and are looking for and heal. I wish you both the best. Best, PADJ

I'm so sorry you're hurting, but I think the first thing you should do is get off Facebook. Take a little break from it. This way you won't get upset when you see her become friends with other family members. It's all up to your daughter now. Give her time and if I were you I would apologize for what you said about her parents. You telling her or them that they are sinners isn't going to make them repent, it's just going to push your daughter away more. Sorry, but it really is none of your business. And to be honest, if my birthmother was saying that everything was a sin and was so super religious like that, I don't think I would have contact with her either. I think you have to tone the religion thing down a bit. Just give her space and give her time to heal, and hopefully she will come back to you.

I think we should give BMTexas a break and believe her when she said she had pure intentions toward her bdaughter's parents. There is more than one perspective in the world. The conservative Christian REALLY DOES believe that they are trying to spare someone when they warn them about sin in their life. They are willing to face the possible bad reactions of others in order to save them. This is what BMTexas did and it took courage to do it. She risked something and now she is suffering for that. Those who are not conservative Christians feel what she said was wrong and that's okay but she should at least be given credit for being willing to warn someone else of what she percieved as danger. If you thought someone was in a very dangerous situation and you could warn them, wouldn't you do it? Shouldn't you do it?

As a birthmother in recent reunion I cannot imagine criticizing the adoptive parents. That was a HUGE mistake! Please take the time to re-read the bible. Doesn't it say judge not lest ye be judged and ye without sin cast the first stone? I do not blame your daughter for not wanting to have contact with you. Try to look at it from her perspective. YOU were the sinner that gave her up and now you have the audacity to criticize her loving adoptive parents? Pray for forgiveness. Write her and ask for forgiveness. Apologize to her adoptive parents. Until you do this you have little to no chance of having a relationship with her. You reap what you sow and God is giving you this pain for a reason. Open your heart and listen to his message.

" They who judge have no time to love" Stop judging and start loving!

Its a unspoken rule to never be friends with your parents on facebook