Anyone do emergency infant care?

You need to connect with other foster parents in your state to get a sense of how things are done there. It really varies from state to state. We accept emergency placements of all ages (0-18). Here in Massachusetts an emergency placement is typically only until the next business day. So I get a call after business hours (including deep in the wee hours) they drop off and pick up the following morning or, if a weekend/holiday then the next business day. I have had quite a few babies in the last 5 years. The youngest was only 2 days old. Typically on emergency placements we get very little information. The social workers are usually picking the child up with little information and, often the bparents are too intoxicated or upset or argumentative (or a combination of these) to give any valuable information. Bparents often deny drug exposure so I usually don't know on emergency placements. One five month old arrived at 2:00 am and the following day they asked me to take him long term. He stayed for ten months. He was born addicted to methadone. He was generally a joy. He didn't sleep much and neither did I. Particularly when he was cutting teeth. Some drug exposed babies have a very low tolerance for pain and cutting teeth can be torture. Ask around in your area. Good luck on the journey.

Thanks!I have tried to ask around here, but most of the people I've met say either, "Emergency care is how I adopted both my babies," or "Hmmm. We did fost-adopt, but now that program's gone, so...."Then we talked to several different agencies, and about half were dying for a family like us and the other half frowned and said, "You'll never get a baby from foster care." One didn't even bat an eye when I said "fost-adopt" even though now I know that program is non-existent here now.So I feel like I can't get accurate info anywhere. I know there's no "typical" case and that's not what I'm after. I guess I'm just looking to hear real stories from others on what their experiences have been in taking infants in.

If you are near a big city, there will be PLENTY of drug-exposed infants. If you are in a smaller area, there may be fewer. Know how many you can have at one time (both per licensing and per your own family dynamics) and you will learn after your first placement what you can and cannot handle. Every baby is different, even with the same exposures. It is really unpredictable. Good luck!!

That said, our DD was born dependent on Methadone. Her detox was 17 days. I noticed as soon as I picked her up she fussed, but was easily soothed. There is no way to tell if that was temperament or the exposure. 18 months later she is very quick to ignite, but still easy to soothe. My gut, with a foot in the addictions counseling field, tells me it's a combo of nature and some drug exposure. Anyway, like Scrap said, no two babies, let alone two babies with the same exposure will be the same. My DD hated the swing, bouncy seat, vibrating seat. Loved being swaddled, would only sleep on her stomach, and seems to have a high threshold for pain (again...nature...or the drugs....?). Get the book The Happiest Baby on the Block and read it now. DD was easily soothed, but even she was harder to handle during the bewitching hours of 5 pm - 9 pm. That book saved our sanity. I still make the "shhhhhhh" sound in her ear when she's really upset or over-tired. Immediately calms her. :) Also, we live in an area that supposedly has a Foster/Adopt program. We were told it essentially does not exist on the first night of classes. So if you are going into the foster care world with your heart set on adoption of an infant, and they are telling you it won't happen, LISTEN. Not telling you not to go for it, but go in with your eyes wide open knowing that reunion is THE first goal. Our SW has to repeat that statement so often to people in our class, it's a bit ridiculous. We are hoping to do 0-2, and really hoping to take in the drug exposed/effected newborns...knowing reunion with bfamily is the first option. So my mind is set into foster mode. now talk to me 10 months into our first placement. lol :arrow:

Exactly my reason for asking! I know I'm going to have trouble with the length of time TPR takes and supporting reunification. Obviously, I will support that track as best I can and want what's best for each baby we have. But I also know that I will have a hard time dealing with some of it... Thanks also for the book rec. I've seen it talked about a lot but never needed it for DS (he was a bit older when we got him, and I was too exhausted to read a book!).

The hardest part about babies, is you bond so quickly, but because it's a baby most judges will push it and allow the parent the maximum time possible to work their plan. The other difficult thing is that relatives can and do come out of the woodwork for babies. Much more so than a 10yo who has behavioral problems. It makes it difficult to support RU, but if your program is not foster to adopt...you MUST support it. The reason areas are starting to drop foster to adopt language is because they're getting people who want to adopt babies or little kids. They are unsupported of RU, and they are one placement only...either they get their baby, adopt and are content, or they have 1 placement, discover that supporting RU means that the BP can and will do things to totally work the system/push your buttons and they realize they just can't do it again. People sabotage RU either on purpose or unconsciously by trying to make the BPs look bad. The average county spends a lot of money to train a foster family (home studies alone are quite expensive but the man hours to train and license about double the cost). If families are quitting after their first placement that is a really expensive venture for the county.I always tell people that I'm able to support RU because I make a decision that I won't judge BPs behavior. I have a hard time with it, but it's necessary in order to be supportive. We do emergency care. All of our placements, including the baby we adopted have been emergency care. Our AD was supposed to stay 1 week. Her BM could have had her back. After she completed her case plan, she asked us to adopt. She worked her plan to prove she could do it and she would be a suitable parent...but she wanted things for her DD that she couldn't give her. So she made the decision to give her up.

I do think I can support RU, and of course realize that for the first two years of the baby's life that is what we need to work for. And all the while I will be hoping for one of them to stay forever... I am trying to keep my eyes wide open, but adoption really is the ultimate goal. If we can help out other babies in need along the way, I'll be happy about that, too. And I feel that if we are meant to be foster parents only and not adoptive parents again, then that's the way it will be. I'm worried about DH and DS, though, and I guess I really need to talk to DH about that.It's really hard to have these majorly important conversations with him, b/c there never seems to be a good time. In the morning, DS is crazy energetic and demanding and DH is trying to get to work. In the evening, DS is crazy energetic and demanding and DH is trying to unwind from the day. Once DS goes to bed, we are both tired and in need of unwinding, not ramping up a serious conversation. I just don't know how to bring it up, or when or what to do about that part of it.

I went to a foster parent support group last month (sponsored by the DHHS, at the office) in which the topic of conversation was exactly this- people who hope to adopt a baby and don't realize that it doesn't exactly work that way. My state (ID) has started calling "foster-to-adopt" families, "CPF" families instead. The "CPF" stands for "Con-something (don't remember the word) Planning Families." This term is supposed to stand in for families who are willing to adopt a foster child. "Non-adoptive" foster families are called "foster families."I was surprised at the support group that "Safe Haven" babies are not "foster" babies and don't even enter the foster care system in our state. They go immediately to couples who are awaiting private domestic adoptions. That was news to me! I thought we would be fostering "abandoned" babies, as well as sheltered babies, but that's not true. I'm sure it may be different in other states. Maybe OP could ask some pointed questions about those kinds of kids to her own social worker or PRIDE teacher?Also, I think it's such a misnomer to say that you can adopt a baby from the foster care system. By the time all the paperwork is completed, the "baby" is a toddler. And, very rarely will you be able to adopt a "healthy" baby from foster care. All of them will have issues- including attachment ones.OP- could you get a babysitter for your son and take your spouse on a date to talk over these big issues? Or maybe you need a longer break to get to that level of intimacy. It's cool to take a weekend too!Is your husband a reader? Could you ask him to get on the forum and read about all these things that you're learning that way? What about a book from the library? Maybe the other foster parents here could e-mail with him or call him about their experiences? I'm sure there are lots of ways to get the message to him. What about a note in his lunch or briefcase telling him that you want to talk about this? Maybe you could surprise him with a "business lunch" during his work day? I do think these topics need to be discussed though.Good luck and happy fostering!

We have talked a bit more, and he gets it more than I thought. We had our second class last night, and it was a little strange, probably b/c it was all about how the system works and who the players are, and we went through all that with DS so we already knew most of what was said.Missypea, it's "concurrent" -- that's the term they use here, too. The term fost-adopt is still in the class material. They did also mention Safe Haven babies. Our state has had exactly one in the past two years. They do go to foster care here until an adoptive family can be found, but a SH baby would be placed in a concurrent family rather than a strictly foster family.I think we just need to go to a few more classes and see if things change. Part of me wants to know that we can adopt before DS is in elementary school and part of me is fine with the notion of fostering as many babies as need us, and if one gets to stay, great. If not, we've helped however many babies we've helped until we can't do it anymore.I know my feelings will change a million times. I'm just trying to sort all this out, and would love to hear from others who have already been down this road.