What is it like for Birth Moms

I was fortunate that I got photos of my son all throughout his life, so I could watch him grow from a baby to the man he is today. It was strange at first, because I got a picture at 6 weeks old, then 6 months old, and then after that, I didn't realize I had to initiate written requests to get future updates (if the aparents wanted to send them as it was entirely up to them). So I didn't figure all this out until my son was 3 or 4, and then I got a current pic of him and then pics every year or other year, depending on the aparents' schedule. To not see my son since a baby and then reunite would have been very strange for me, I think, as I'd have this image of him as a baby burned in my mind and then have this grown man standing before me. As it turned out for me, having the pictures (which was unusual since I had no formal agreement with my son's parents and most women who placed around the time I did, did not get pictures throughout their children's lives) was extremely helpful in integrating my son as a grown person. Although it was in a very limited way, I was able to see him grow up, so I never had the experience that many other mothers have of still thinking of their child as a little baby.

Thank you JustPeachy, sounds like it can't be that easy for birthmoms who don't see their children from baby to adult.

Unlike JustPeachy I did not have updates through the years, but I would follow along in my head each school year, each perceived momentous occasion such as graduation, college, etc. Then of course there was the pre face to face. There was a letter, there were phone calls, there were text messages, so I was expecting an adult. I tend to be very realistic though, so I knew I would be meeting an adult. But there is something to be said about that bond that can't be broken. I know that I had it. Also, about a year prior to my reunion, when I would meet males that were the same age as my sons, I would be very inquisitive. So it appears I was trying to teach myself something without realizing that there was a reunion on my horizon. And something else that I have learned, adult or not, adopted or not, my children will always be just that "children". I know that I was my mother's child until the day she died. Hope this makes sense. Sometimes it is so hard to put into words what is in one's heart.

I had no word about my son for 32 years until I found him through this site. I think I went into reunion with very few expectations. I didn't expect to see the baby I placed and part of the joy of reunion for me was getting to know this adult I'd given birth to. I was truly amazed at gestures that were purely his bdad's and his sense of humor which is like mine. (My husband knew his bdad and agreed with me about the gestures, btw). The funny thing is that now, 6 years in, I don't see anything but him when I look at him. (Athough I have to admit that his voice, my other son's and one of my brother's are very similar on the phone.)

My son's parent's sent me a picture of him when he was about 4 months old and that was the last picture I had of him. HIs parents and my grandparents had several mutual friends so I knew where he was and that he was doing well, I just didn't know what he looked like. Then, almost a year ago I found him on face book. He had just turned 19 at that point. It was very shocking to me to see a grown man and not an infant. I know that sounds strange because I knew intellectually that he was a grown man now. It still took my breath away at first. He and I have talked on the phone once and emailed each other a few times but we have not met face to face yet. I am chomping at the bit to meet him but he seems to want to take things very slowly. He and I are fb friends so I know that he is a typical young man getting ready to turn 20 next week. I have several neices and nephews his age so I have some frame of reference to compare him to. I think I have come to terms with the fact that my baby is now a man and I think I will be able to deal with that when we finally meet face to face someday.

I had seen my baby only through the window in the hospital and once got to hold him, and when my son sent me pictures I saw the resemblance immediately. That didn't prepare me for actually seeing him--he was so obviously that same person! I had no words but, "oh, my god..." and he said, "no one's ever looked at me like that, ever." Amazing.

I'm not a bmom but my adoption was closed and after finally reuniting with her at 20 years old she definitely treated me like I was still a baby. It was pretty bad lol. From calling me baby boy, to giving me a little kid's card to color on Valentines day, to calling Giant Eagle "Giant Eaglette" cuz I work there. Lmao. It was funny but embarrrrrrasingggg

Thankyou you all for your insight - it really does help and I appreciate it.