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I am an adoptee, I never felt the need or desire to look for my birth mother. When I was 25 my older sisters went looking for me, they found me and I was introduced to my birth mother, who in turn just walked away without a word. that was almost 30 yrs ago, I felt I had put that all behind me. My husband is also adopted, and has just recently found his birth mother, and they are both totally obsessed with it. I am having a hard time with this, as I am feeling totally rejected, once again. Has anyone else had this experience? I sure could use some help with how to deal with it.
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Mia, Welcome to the forums. Sounds like your husband is experiencing a completely normal reaction to his reunion - just like your reaction was completely normal too. You are not being rejected. Create a mantra around this. His reactions are the same as many - obsessing, checking emails, being off in outer space somewhere, bemused - almost similar to first crushes in the sheer focus. Things WILL settle down but it will take time for this to happen. You can choose to support this or choose to react badly - it really is as simple as that. I think you are choosing to support him which is why you found yourself here. If I was you I would think about what I had always wanted to do but never had enough time etc and do it. Take that class, join that group, or tackle that new hobby you always intended to do and allow him this adjustment time from believing he would never know and the acceptance he had of that, to pandoras box being open. Kind regards,Dickons
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yes. My mother and I met once when I was 17 and I never saw her again. Now that my sisters have found me at 34 it has brought up all these issues I tried to bury and move on.
You don't have to be adopted to understand why you would want to search... sperm donor children do it all the time and they have their mothers. It is just another way of exploring yourself.
Try to contact your mother again. You really have nothing to lose because you have nothing already. Giving a child away is an unnatural expierence. Your mother no doubt has the PTSD associated with it. I am sure mine does too.
Ask your sister what you should do and how you should approach your mother. You have unresolved issues and so do I. I continue to cry and suffer from a decision made 34 years ago. My Bmother doesn't give a crap about my kids, but she does her own. How can that be? Not rational.