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I'm considering going through the process to become licensed again. When our license was due for renewal, we asked not to be renewed because we had just adopted our daughter through foster care and wanted to give her our full attention. Now that it's been nearly two years and I'm talking with her about how she came into our family, I'm starting to get that feeling again.
I have some concerns, and hopefully some of you more expereinced foster parents can help. My biggest concern is that I don't want this to be too hard for my daughter. Our expereince with her was a very beautiful one. She came to us on our first day as licensed parents at only 7 days old. We adopted her when she was 20 months old. She had a great life. Some visits with her biological parents, but they were very early in her life. Her bios then signed over parental rights to my husband and I. She has had no major problems, and her bios gave her up because: mom was too young and dad already had 7 other children with multiple women. So as you can see, the process through to adoption was fairly easy for her and us. I'm worried that if we had a foster child with major parental issues, that she may think her life started out bad. I worry that having children potentially leave the home may be too hard for her. Even though I truely understand that fostering means that we are temporarily caring for children, I also worry that because the expereince with my daughter was so seamless, that I may expect that it will be the same with all children. I don't really think this will be an issue because I was so logical with my daughter and her bio mom...to the point that others would say "stop helping her bio mom have feelings for her." I always reminded people that my role was to help my daughter reunite with her birthparents. Still I worry that I may now have a warpped sense of reality.
I'm open to all feedback.
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Sounds like you know all the concerns - and everything you mentioned is true. If you are planning to "foster" you need to explain to your daughter that this baby/child is with you until her mommy and daddy or family can take care of him/her. Stay with that story until the day the judge bangs the gavel on adoption as the case goal can truly change any time prior to that date. Good luck.
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I am in the EXACT situation. My son is now 5. I decided to get renewed/re-licensed one more time. I decided to give it one more year with DYFS. I am also concerned about 1) Wrecking my son's life 2) Getting a child I can't handle 3) Getting attached to a foster child, who then gets reunited .But it's all a roll of the dice, ya know? I rolled them one more time
Miss Tonicee - keep in mind for your future (and that of your daughter), that just because as a baby/child she doesn't seem to have adoption issues or concerns, doesn't mean she won't as she gets older - particularly in the teen/ young adult years. It's just something to keep in mind - that adoption, even the best adoption, comes from loss.In terms of fostering... maybe you should consider doing a private adoption instead - if your fear is a child reuniting... Just a thought.
Thanks everyone. I am aware that my daughter will have issues relating to adoption and I'm prepared to handle them. In fact, she has already started to ask questions at 3 years old...simple questions like, "remember when I was in your belly mommy?" She also has been learning about adoption through the books that I read to her. There are times while I read to her, that I can see in her face that she is trying to make sense of it all.
I just was worried that seeing other children who come to us with major bio family issues, that she may start to think that she came from major bio family issues. I want her to know that (as with most adopted children) she was given up for adoption because her bio parents loved her so much that they wanted what was best for her.
I also feel a great loss relating to her birth parents...mostly her birth mother, because we had a relationship through writing letters to each other when they would have their visits. I often feel a tremendous sadness/sense of loss, when I think about the fact that she has never reached out to me through an email that I gave her. (I do realized that contacting us must be a terrifying and hurtful thought for her bio mother.) So I can only imagine that adopted children feel so much more loss.
I just want her to know she was and is loved by her family. I also want to help other children...I'm torn with this decision which makes me think that maybe right now is not the best time to look into re-lisencing. It will always be there tomorrow if and when I have a more definitive decision. Maybe now it is better to help my daughter understand adoption.