Kinship vs Foster Parent

I have so much to say in reply to this and I hope it's not taken the wrong way, I'm only trying to be matter of fact, but you have NO idea what's in this Childs best interest, you don't even know the child only what we are hearing. You also don't know how loving her foster home is, I'm sure they are fine people but they have clearly stated they want nothing to do with bio family so I'm not sure how sitting them down and talking it out will help. If she tells them they can adopt if they agree to be involved with bio family they very likely could agree just to get her to back off. I can understand the fp being defensive but they still have to remember they are "just" foster parents. I know it sucks, I know the laws dealing with this are really messed up but it is what it is. OP has been involved since day one of child going into care. She's not just some distant relative who popped in after 2 years. She is family that the fs ae to have been aware since the beginning. Op isn't the one who messed up here, it's whoever dropped the ball on getting the child placed with her sooner. Either way the child loses out in this situation and that isn't fair but again, that's the way it is. It's a real shame that the fp's were more open to family involvement that would privacy e the beat outcome for this little one and the op has stated she would be fineneith that, the foster parents are the ones who aren't willing to go there.

I agree with this too. We too had the same situation...our daughter (she is a relative) was 6 at the time when we found out she was in FC. We became licensed in order to move her here. We reached out to the FP's whom wanted to adopt her but whenever we'd call to speak to her they would not answer and would not return our calls. They didn't even give her the Xmas presents we sent her either. They hired an attorney and made false accusations against us and our family. I knew she wouldn't be in our lives unless we faught. I so wanted to leave her there because they loved her alot and she seemed happy however I knew they would cut us off because of their past behaviour. We were not really a threat because we live across country from them. It's not like we'd be visiting every week! It was a hard decision...it took 11 months of her living there before she moved here. She was told negative things about us too. She is now 12 and doing very well. We are glad things worked out the way they did. Now 6 yrs later I learn that the FP's are having issues...one is having a gender change so it's now 2 woman instead of husband/wife. It's very confusing for the little girl they adopted after our daughter left their home. I am glad everything worked out the way it has. They say everything happens for a reason so have faith you'll make the correct decision. If anything i hope the siblings later on if they want a relationship can have one.

I say continue your fight. It is in her best interest to at least have contact with bio family, if appropriate. It is also important for her to maintain a relationship with the ffamily, as they are her family as well at this point. It would be in her best interest to have the both of you. She is super blessed to have two families that love her and want what is best for her. Don't give up. It is really sad and unfair to the child that the fm is not willing to form a relationship with bio family. I am actually a fm who is trying my hardest to form a relationship with bio family right now, so it bothers me that the fm in your case is being that way.

Notdoneyet- I totally agree.

IThe child is probably bonded to the foster parent. I hate to say this, but now family doesn't matter. Later when they are older, it will. I don't know what to tell you. A move may be traumatic, but purposely being kept from family later on will blow up in the foster parents face.

mom2behappy I am so glad to see someone understands. And yes she has been there for almost 2 years. I have tried time and time again to converse with the foster mother and she feel like this is her baby abd I am truly in the way. NO ONE on here seems to no how I feel. I see they have not been on my side of the table. I wander how they would feel if they had to walk oneday in my shoes. Well I guess they all have the thought that every foster child placed in a home they automatically have right to adopt not even considering they may have a family member out there who is willing to fight for her. Well I personally had a conf call with the CEO of the CPS office in Daytona today and he see things from my point of view. He has assured me that things will be in my favor because I AM FAMILY and I have been there since day one. The foster mother told him today herself that the casemanager told her she will be able to adopt and they will make sure of that. I just continue to pray. And I even offered to an open adoption to the foster parents when she comes here to live with me and she declines. Now if she was truly about the child and she loves her as she says she does it would not mattewr if she is here with me as long as she is allowed to still remain in the childs life. I would be open to her remaining there IF she allowed the child to be in my life and have visits with me but she don't and saifd she won't. Now when I went through my MAPP class I was told always be open minded that reunification can and sometimes do happen. I again Thank them for opening their home to my little cousin however I have been in this since day one and as of right now her dad (my cousin) has filed an appeal on the tpr so if the judge rewards that she will be moved alot sooner and then what? I mean it seems like alot of the fp on here truly think of themselves and their feelings. Who on here are truly about the kids? Why punish me for the actions of her bio parents? And it so easy for her to adjust at her young age now. I can see me leaving her there if she was 5 or older, in school, and have made friends. But she is 3 and in daycare. She calls me MOMMY! She crys each and everytime I have to leave her. And I am the bad one here? I think not. All I am trying to do is show her I do love and care about her and her lil brother. He is 5 weeks old and TX had him moved here in notime at all. It;s the cw in Florida and the promises they have made to the fp. Oh well I am NOT giving up!

Just from my perspective of reading the responses... we have some very strong supporters of continuing the fight for custody/adoption of your loved one. We have some that are on the fence, they have reservations, would want to know enough 1st hand experience about the situation and what the Foster Home (potential adoptive) is like and how the child really fits in. Then there are some that are saying that 2 out of 3 years of a child's life with one family (during some of the most formative/bonding years) has been with them. They'd hate to see any child removed from people they love. I see that everyone is over the spectrum here. This is a very difficult and personal decision. I wish the best of luck to you. Sounds like you've made some progress and if kiddo is already calling you mommy - there might be quite a tight bond there. I'd still look into that bonding evaluation.

LOL, wow my phone (and sloppy typing) completely butchered that! It should say: it's a real shame that theses fp were NOT more open to family involvment that would PROBABLY be the BEST outcome for this little one and the op has stated she would be FINE with that My computer is on the fritz and I fail at typing on my iPhone!

First of all, don't feel like everyone here is against you. Those of us who have done/are doing kinship placements do actually understand & also realize that the "regular fp" haven't walked in your shoes & hopefully they never will have to. Personally, with our case, I was the 3rd relative placement (different side of the family thank goodness). When we found out there was yet another disruption, we stepped forward & agency refused to consider any more relatives. Based on the case history I totally understand their reasoning, but I did some calling & emailing & let the higher ups know that it was different family & that they would eventually place with us (we'd fight to the death) so might as well do it before a different family got attached & got their hearts broken. When its family, that's just what you do. Also, to those who were shocked at the thought of a 2yo @ funeral, it all depends on the family. The child might not have known what was going on, but family (possibly healthy family who love the child) would have been able to see a loved child. I guess most would be horrified at my family's funerals, because they tend to be more like family reunions than most. Yes, both my 2 yo have been to more than one already.

I would fight. Yes she is probably bonded, but you are not a total stranger as some might believe as you have had extended visits (you said weekends and weeks?) so there is a bond to you as well. They have no right to get defensive because the CPS might move her to "a total stanger" you are not that. Yes, they have raised her for 2 years of her short 3 year life, that is significant, but if they bonded well with her that means with a careful transition she should bond just as well with you. I feel like some people are saying that those 2 years of her life are more important than the next 72 years. With you, she would be allowed to have contact with them, she would not have to lose anything, with them she will lose her biological connection and that is not something insignificant. My mother was adopted (straight adoption during the BSE), she is now 53, she was adopted by awesome parents who love her and were open with her about searching for her parents, she found her mother and half-sister but has virtually no realtionship with them and she told me once that "I love your grandparents, they are my mother and father but I will never have a sister, because we were not raised as sisters and we cannot seem to connect, it is a wound that I am afraid will never stop hurting". I have two adopted son's my oldest I can give him as much as he wants of his biological history and connections with his bio family because he was my second cousin before I adopted him. He sees his biological family (not his parents) frequently, it is not some weird "bio-family visit" that happens a couple times a year either. He has true and real bonds with them and sees them frequently and in normal everyday settings becasue they are is FAMILY not his "biofamily", actually now they are all of our FAMILY. The same cannot be said for my youngest son, he is not a relative, he was a foster placement that I have had since he was 2 days old, I adopted him when he was 8 mos old but by then his parents had seemed to dissapear and I can not find them anywhere (I know dad was deported but mom should still be around). I did find his bio-half brother and the foster family that adopted him 2 years prior and even though I was in love with my son and I had had him for his entire 7 mos at that time, I wanted that family to be considered as an adoption resource because I desperately feel like these kids have lost so much they do not need to lose siblings as well, that family declined placement for a number of reasons (ICPC would take a long time and they did not want a toddler, the were having family issues, etc.) so I did adopt him. However they are not interested in contact and I have no bio family to connect my son with and it breaks my heart. I know someday he will have a wound similar to my mother's and it is not something I can fix and that sucks. I think that if foster familes are interested in really maintaining or building a child's relationship with thier family (and why do we call it biofamily anyway? It is their family!) then it is evident from the very begining and it does not appear to be so in this child's case. If a foster family has to be bribed into allowing contact (family will step back from adopting if contact post adoption is allowed) then they are not invested in that building/maintaining that relationship and it is doubtful that they will, if they really thought it was important for the child they would be doing it in the first place not as a condition of adoption. They will resent having to keep up that relationship later on and it will probably be evident to that child potentially damaging the connection. As an aside, post adoption contact with biofamily, even if stipulated as a condition of adoption, is rarely legally enforcable (varies by state) and even in some states where an agreement is legally binding, many times the penalty is a fine and moving out of state solves the adoptive families problems, as extridition on these cases does not happen because it becomes a civil suit. I would fight and fight hard.

I also wanted to comment that if youhave had weekends and weeks as visits, than that is more than some bio parents get in visits before a reunification occurs. In a few on my cases, they kids/babies saw the parents for 2 hours a week supervised for a year and then in 2 mos went from that to overnights to a week and home. So if that is good enough for bioparents who really did screw up (which is eviedent if thier kids ended up in care) then why is a 2 year realtionship that has consisted of longer unsupervised visits a problem?

I am with you, I think it is just different for different cultures/families. I took all 5 of my kids at the time (ages 7,7,5,3,18 mos) to my sisters funeral and a few months ago I took all six kids (now ages 9,9,7,5,3 and 8 mos) to my grandfather's funeral. It is just normal for our family to do that. Yet another example of a cultural/familial thing she will not understand about her family if she doesn't ever get to meet them or finds them when she turns 18. I can't tell for sure, but the child in the OP's post appears hispanic (so maybe the chidl in question is too?) and if that truly is the child's culture, taking kids to funerals is a norm, at least for the Hispanic families in my area.

Blood should not be made to overthrow her bond with the 2 / 3 of her children live in households. Would be a good growth and biological brothers and sisters? Of course. This is only good to grow up, know your biological brothers and sisters, [url=http://www.meritline.com/]Gadgets[/url] she can have two ways.

This is what strikes fear in my heart about our case. People on here have pointed out that forced contact will most likely backfire but it is our only option. It is so WRONG that a family that claims to love a child and want what is best for them would cut them off from healthy relationships that are based out of love for that child. I get it. I know first hand how difficult it is to "deal with" birth family - as you put it FAMILY! Our STBAD's grandfather drives us NUTS but is AMAZING with his grandkids. So who cares that it is slightly annoying for us. My daughter will only grow up feeling his love, having a better sense of self, and hopefully feeling whole. This is only possible because the family is healthy for her to be around and we know that because we spent time getting to know them. We used our visits with them to actually spend time with them so when we actually had a choice to continue it or not we were making an educated decision.

Hello everyone! I wanted to give you an update on my case with my little cousin in Fl. We had a conf call on Thursday and looks like she is finally coming to live with me!:banana: Looks like it all worked in my favor. I did agree to allow the foster parents continue to be in her life. I think that will be good. I don't care what nobody thinks I think it will be very good for her and her brother to both live here with me and be raised together. Like it was said to me we all as foster parents need to keep in mind these children are placed with us only until reunification with bio parents OR a family member steps in. Thank you to you all that had my back and truly understood my feelings. I pray the best for you all..........Move in date Nov 14-21 Finally a holiday together:thanks: