Different situation

I am sorry for taking so long to get back to you. I have had a lot going on with my kids that has been physically and mentally exhausting. I'm sorry to hear about your predicament. I understand, completely. My husband wanted children, but he was infertile. It took us nine long years to finally be able to bring our first child home. I was one of those women who was cursed with an overabundance of maternal instinct, as many of us who have an interest in nursing an adopted baby do. I can't imagine what it would have been like to have my husband fighting me on it, too! I am sure that is extremely difficult to deal with! I think you need to keep trying to explain how important it is to you to be a mother, and how even though you love your step-child, it is not the same as having your own child. I have known others who were fighting the same battle. Most were eventually successful in bringing their husbands on board. I don't know how old you are or how long you have been married, but unless you are all ready over 40, you should have quite a few years to bring him over to your side on it. Also, many men become more willing to be fathers as they get older. I don't mean to trivialize the challenge of possibly having to be patient for years. I know that every day seems long, when your arms are empty and you are are longing to have a baby to fill them. But you need to be able to have hope to hang onto. I know, in my case, had I not been able to find hope to hang onto and keep trying, I would now be 57 and childless. When we got our first child, I felt a lot like you did. I was afraid to let people know that I was trying to nurse him. I never nursed him in front of anyone but my husband. For various reasons, I ended up just nursing him about four times a day and feeding mostly with bottles. I used the Lact-Aid, sometimes, but he liked to just nurse without it, too. I didn't think I was producing any milk, because I couldn't get any out with the only breast pump I had, which was made of two hard plastic cylinders. Later, however, I realized that I probably was producing a little bit with him, because of the breast changes I saw. The most important part, however, was bonding. It was like the first time he latched on, he was my baby and I was his mommy. Not that moms who only bottle feed don't bond, but there was definitely something more special about nursing him than feeding him a bottle. I felt especially thankful it, for the night after he had his first immunizations. He had a very bad reaction, with a high fever and the high-pitched screaming that I later learned was seen as a risk factor for serious damage or death from the pertussis vaccine that was in use at that time. All night long, he refused his bottle and the only time he wasn't screaming was when he was nursing. It is too bad that so many people now think of breasts as sexual and that women who breastfeed get some kind of sexual satisfaction from it. If things are going well, it does feel nice, but nothing like having a man touch your breasts. It is very relaxing having a baby peacefully suckling, but not sexual by any stretch of the imagination. Unless you have thrush or some kind of nipple damage, which can make it painful, you don't even feel it on your nipples. You feel the baby's jaws compressing the area behind the nipple. As far as explaining the benefits to the baby of breastfeeding, one thing that would appeal to lots of men is that the mother who is breastfeeding is the one who gets up in the middle of the night with the baby. A father who wants the experience of feeding the baby can give the baby an occasional bottle, but they usually wouldn't even want to be doing it at night. Another is the health benefits, that babies who are getting even a few ounces of breast milk a day are much less likely to get sick, and if they do, they are usually less sick and recover faster than babies who are not getting any breast milk. Having a sick baby is exhausting for parents, both physically and emotionally. Having a healthier baby is better, financially, too, with the savings on doctor visits and prescriptions, parents not having to miss work, etc. I have a story that illustrates how much even small amount of breast milk can do for a baby's health. My second son spent the first three months we had him, screaming. The doctor didn't know what was wrong. Allan did have ear infections, but most babies with ear infections don't scream constantly. I think he thought I was overreacting, or exaggerating the amount of time he was spending screaming. I wouldn't have believed a baby could scream that long and hard, had I not had to live through it. He would literally scream for hours on end. When I tried to comfort him, he would just arch his back, squint his eyes shut, and scream louder. I had tried to nurse him, but he had a serious suckling defect that made it so that he couldn't get anything out of the Lact-Aid, let alone stimulate my body to start producing milk. He could only use standard nipples with large holes in them. At the time, 25 years ago, I didn't know much about it and everyone I consulted, whom I thought would know, just said, "Oh well, that happens some times when babies have been on bottles". Now, there would be things that could be done so that I could have at least provided him some expressed breast milk, myself. I had asked our pediatrician what he thought of getting some donated breast milk for him. He thought it was a bad idea. But, after four months of a miserable baby, who did not get well from doing what the ped told me to do, I knew that I had to do something differently. I decided to try to find another mother who was nursing and would be willing to share some of her milk with us. I was at the pool and told someone I knew about what was going on. Another mom that she knew was there with her. The other mom said that she was breastfeeding and would be happy to share some milk with us. The first day I gave him four ounces of her milk, I also stopped giving him the antibiotics he'd been on for an ear infection. I could see a difference almost immediately. He stopped screaming so much and started catching up on his development. He got 4-6 ounces of her milk a day, and the rest of his diet was Nutramigen, which he had all ready been on. He was like a new baby! His ears cleared and stayed clear. He turned from a thin, miserable baby who didn't look well, into a happy little blond cherub and the "easiest" baby of my six. When we got our third baby, three years later, I knew that if I could only produce a few ounces of milk for him, it would be well worth the extra effort it took, and it was! So, I hope I have said something that is helpful. Please keep in touch. You can write to me at noelani54@hotmail.com if you like. Best Wishes, Darillyn

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. I will be emailing you. You dont know how much i appreciate someones feedback (and support) ...

When we were looking into adopting and I wanted to breastfeed, let's just say some of my family and friends were less than thrilled. I know this because of their facial expressions when I told them about it.However, I had decided I didn't care what they thought, and after 30 years of dealing with me, these people knew me well enough to not even bring the topic up lol!So if you do go this route, my advice would be to let people know you're doing it and leave it at that. Don't engage with people that aren't supportive of it. It's not worth it and it does add stress...even for moms that are breastfeeding their bio children. Most people don't even know it's possible. I've found if I talk about it like it's the most natural thing in the world, people pick up on that vibe and don't nag me about it. If I talk in a way that makes it seem like I'm a little uncomfortable with it (which I was at first) then people sense that and tend to say things that are less supportive.