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hi all hope that you are having a great fall night, I come here hope to find a little peace of mind and perhaps a and answer or keys to a "the question" do birth parents want to be found?:confused: See I've been on my quest for 22 years this month, I turn 40 this month and boy would it be nice to find SOMETHING.. So for all you birthmothers, if you have the chance do you want to contact from us ?
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I can tell you , this birth father is counting the days, and looking forward to sending a letter to my birth daughter. I have no idea what may happen, I may be rejected untill she is 40, or we may have a friendship. Either way, since i have found out about her there is a special place in my heart that is reserved for the memories that will be made one day.
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Oh, I so wanted to be found. But for the right reasons. Not as a curiosity, or a passing fancy, there are waaaay too many emotions involved. The roller coaster ride of reunion is hard enough. Many emotions that I had buried deep within my soul are now at the surface, but to be reunited is worth it. The wondering, the mind numbing panic for the safety of your child - reunion helps to ease those fears. Yes, new fears are introduced, but to know that your child is alive and well, what most parents can take for granted, is worth the emotional roller coaster that reunion can be. For me, the love I have for my children is eternal. Always was, it wasn't shut off like a switch with the adoption. I do realize all mothers may not feel that way, and these are just my thoughts and feelings.
Some of us do. I'm a bmom who already knows where my child is, but I wonder if HE wants to be found. :confused: Its not that I fear rejection, its that I see that he is happy and I don't want to disturb his happiness. Plus, I would rather he find me. Then, its on his terms. And I'm not 100% sure he even knows he is adopted. I think some birthmoms have similar thoughts.But another side of me says, "I'm the one who put him where he's at. Why should I make him find me?" Its an internal struggle and, either way, I feel guilty and selfish.Now, some birthparents don't want to be reunited. Some adoptees don't want to be found. It's a question nobody can answer until someone takes the first step and risks rejection (or whatever fears they may have)I would suggest checking registries and the ISRR to see if she is looking for you.
iwagrlVA
Its not that I fear rejection, its that I see that he is happy and I don't want to disturb his happiness. Plus, I would rather he find me. Then, its on his terms. And I'm not 100% sure he even knows he is adopted. I think some birthmoms have similar thoughts.
But another side of me says, "I'm the one who put him where he's at. Why should I make him find me?"
Its an internal struggle and, either way, I feel guilty and selfish.
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iwagrlVA
Some of us do. I'm a bmom who already knows where my child is, but I wonder if HE wants to be found. :confused:
Its not that I fear rejection, its that I see that he is happy and I don't want to disturb his happiness. Plus, I would rather he find me. Then, its on his terms. And I'm not 100% sure he even knows he is adopted. I think some birthmoms have similar thoughts.
But another side of me says, "I'm the one who put him where he's at. Why should I make him find me?"
Its an internal struggle and, either way, I feel guilty and selfish.
Now, some birthparents don't want to be reunited. Some adoptees don't want to be found. It's a question nobody can answer until someone takes the first step and risks rejection (or whatever fears they may have)
I would suggest checking registries and the ISRR to see if she is looking for you.