Our first meet

Adoptee here. Mine was awesome. It was about the same time frame as yours. I was scared half to death but excited. I did everything some say not to do. I flew to her state, met her at her house, and spent the weekend. She arranged for her husband to be gone when I arrived so it was just us. It was an awesome weekend. I loved every second of it. Good luck. I'm sure the nerves will be high, but excitement does that!

I am a birthmom to a 20 year old and we met for the first time about 1 week ago. I wish I had more time to talk to her but I had to go pick up my son from school. He is 6 and knows nothing about this. I just recently told my husband before we arranged to meet. My husband is loving and understands. However during our meeting, she reveiled to me that she has Cystic Fibrosis. I know that I am the reason she has it now, because when I was prego with my son, I found out that I had that gene. Fortunately, my son does not have it. But she is sick - not as bad as many are with CF, as she has done her homework. But in talking with her more and more - the QUILT is getting the worst of me. I think to myself, I could of had an abortion, and she wouldn't be going through this. But I do not believe in abortion so that wasn't even an option. I think I could have tried to raise a child when I was 18 find out she had CF and end up (well I don't even want to think about it). OR I did the right thing and gave her a chance in life, but she has a death sentence and I just met her. I do not know how to tell my 6 year old son that he has a half-sister first of all, and then this entire illness bit. Everything is eating at me. She and her family have told me over and over again that they do not blame anyone. I just can't figure out what the next step should be.

You are not to blame for your daughter's illness. None of us can control our genetic makeup. While I can understand your guilt in just finding this out compounded with all the other adoption reunion stuff, this is one you have to learn to let go. Your daughter has CF, but it is simply a part of her life and she shouldn't be treated any different because of it. If she didn't have CF, what would you be feeling?Please stop focusing on her illness and what could happen, and enjoy the time you have now. Not one of us here has been promised a tomorrow. You have been given a chance to know this young lady and be a part of her life. (I hope this isn't harsh. I can certainly understand what a shock this has to be!)

Thank you - secrets being revealed for the first time is a very emotional part of this. I do thank you for your words of wisdom. I truly don;t know what I would be feeling right now if she wasn't ill - I never thought about it that way. All I ever wanted is a good safe loving home for her to grow up in, one in which I never had. And I guess the quilt is here because I feel like I have caused this. She is beautiful and strong, and working towards her masters - she never once thought of giving up (as I often did when I was her age). I will continue to pray everyday for her through meditation. Thank you again for your kind words - they where not harsh by any means - some of us just have to hear it from someone else.

txrnr- Well said! SussyQue- I am happy for your meet and wish you the best. As txrnr said, try to enjoy the time you have and focus on now, not the past or future. I was very nervous about telling my 6 year old about her half sister. I anticipated so many questions that I wasn't ready to try to answer. But I just told her one day that she had a sister. I told her what her name was, how old she was and where she lived. I showed her some pictures of her that I had received. I didn't get any questions at all, which surprised me. They will come, and I am prepared for them and will deal with them as they come but felt she needed to know instead of waiting until she was much older. The face to face was amazing and couldn't have gone any better! I am very lucky to be able to connect with her and her parents.

OK - so now that I can see all of your sides to the stories - my guess is: Be prepared for all the questions??

I should have mentioned, I'm an adoptee. It's okay for YOU to have questions too. A relationship isn't a one way street, and you shouldn't feel that you can't ask things as well.

Well said txrnr - questions from your part will show you are interested - no questions can lead to the opposite thoughts - so ask away. I am an adoptee also and my questions at the start were about my bmoms life and her family - because you want to understand your heritage and for me I really wanted to get to know her so I asked alot of questions ( still do I guess). I also asked about the circumstances around the time of my birth - its not easy but I guess we need to know it somehow. Do enjoy it - it is a magical time Goodluck.

Does anyone have any suggestions of books - me and my son love to read and he asks all sorts of questions while we are reading. That could be a great way to start to talk to him about the subject, and then lead into that he has an older sister.

I actually had a hard time finding appropriate books. There is plenty on adoption or adopting when you already have kids but nothing to help explain having a half sibling to your child that lives with you. When answering questions keep the answers very age appropriate and only answer what is being asked. No need to give huge explanations. It just may be easier than you think. I agree with the others about asking questions to your child that you connecting with. I ask tons to my daughter and she asks even more to me. It is fun to get to know each other.