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I am a birth mother of a 24 year old boy and we have recently had a reunion this summer. It's been that typical adoption roller coaster and I am trying to be considerate of his feelings. My husband is also his father and he has two full siblings, a 17 year old brother and 10 year old sister. So what are things that would be taboo when talking to my son? Does he want to hear about current things going on with his siblings or with us? We do email back and forth but pulling information from him is like pulling information from my teenager. I am so thankful to have him in our lives and he does call my husband and I Mom and Dad, he calls his adopted parents by their first names. He has had a rocky relationship with his adopted parents and is barely on speaking terms with his amother. He doesn't want to talk about any of that and I respect his feeling were that is concerned. His aparents divorced when he was four and both have remarried. It seems to me there are some psychological scars that not just from his aparents situation but the adoption as well. I just want some advice on what are subjects that shouldn't be talked about(like family vacations, etc) and what should.
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I am an adoptee who reconnected with my birth family this summer as well. It was a closed adoption, and if my parents hadn't written down my birth mother's name, finding her might have been impossible. I have a half brother, 10 years younger, and couldn't be happier. I can't speak for how your son feels, but as for me, I love to hear about my brother's current life. I feel a part of it even though I wasn't there for so long. Respecting his feelings is key, you don't want him to feel forced into a relationship. It feel for him since he doesn't seem to have a good relationship with his adoptive family, I can only imagine how horrible it must feel to be raised by a family you don't feel comfortable with. I imagine there are some psychological scars that will be hard to work trough, but that comes with the territory. My sister, adoptive, who I love like there is no tomorrow, feels that our parents didn't love her as much growing up, and she also feels that her birth mother didn't care for her, all I can do is try and reassure her that all of us love her with all our hearts. What I would suggest for your conversations is, try and gauge what he is comfortable with. Just be gentle since he may not even know what he wants. Since his relationship with his adoptive was rocky, don't force a relationship, just let him know you are all there if he wants, for anything he may need. That makes such a difference, I promise you. If you would like to talk more, my email is danihigg@gmail.com
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