My story

Hi I am new here. It's been about 20 years since I last saw my kids. I have 4, one boy and 3 girls. I had 3 separate adoptions for 3 different reasons. in 1991 my son who is the oldest was going through his terrible 2's and copying things he'd seen on TV, I was working 2 jobs taking care of my newborn daughter and also taking her to a specialist once a month to have her put on a breathing machine to check out how her lungs were doing, she was premature. Found out the daycare I had them in was being investigated by Child welfare services so I had to ask my Mom to watch the kids. One afternoon I woke up from a nap and found my son stabbing the couch with a steak knife he had gotten from managing to climb up to the counter to get. I ended up having a nervous breakdown. Called an adoption attorney from the yellow pages and met with them the next day. Started going through the process of adoption and realized I didn't want to do it but was too scared of what would happen if I told the attorney , so it went through. A year and a half later I had my second daughter, my son was now 3 and becoming a well adjusted little boy. Had been ordered by the Dr. to take it easy because he considered my pregnancy high risk. The father was living with me , my son and my sister and her 2 kids. The father and my sister started messing around and I was planning on getting away from them both once the baby was born. When I had my second daughter I started hemorrhaging internally lost alot of blood and almost died. I was put on strict orders from my Dr. not to do anything but take care of my daughter. So i did that. One afternoon my daughter's father got my son up from a nap and came and told me he wet the bed. So I asked him to give him a bath and put clean clothes on him. 10 minutes later my son screams and the jerk comes out of the bathroom to tell me that he thinks my son's leg is broke. He said my son slipped and hit his leg on the side of the tub. After rushing to the hospital in the ambulance I found out from the Dr and police it was an intentional injury. The police arrested him and his last words to me were when I get out I am coming for my daughter and you will never see her again . Scared and totally pissed I packed up our stuff and headed to my mothers. The jerk kept calling the apartment so the courts thought I still had contact with him because they had the phone records and a signed statement from the jerk and my sister saying he was calling an dtalking to me. So I ended up going to court for over a year and trying to do everything they asked me to do and also visiting my kids in various foster homes. Then I get a call from a friend telling me some guy called her house looking for me. I called my Mom at work and she tells me my sister called her and told her the jerk was out and he was looking for his daughter. I called my caseworker and we set up a meeting to discuss what I could do to keep my kids safe. Adoption was the best alternative to running. So they were adopted, my son was 4 and my daughter was 18 months. Skip forward a couple years, I was dating a guy found out he was engaged to someone else left him ran into one of his friends I kinda knew we ended up doing shots of Tequila while I talked about my bad choices in guys. Things happened and a few months after leaving the state to go back home to my mom I found out I was pregnant. With having my step dad tell me if I had the baby and kept it he would have it taken away from me, and feeling like I was a monster for having another child when I gave the other 3 up , I called a friend that had adopted her child and she put me in touch with the agency she went through. It's been a semi open adoption and I have had contact with my youngest daughter, she sends me cards , pics, and emails. But she was only told I was a friend of the family. And she is still not 18 yet so I can't tell her. With all that being said this past Friday I was friended on FB by my son. We have both been searching for each other for the last 5 years. He wants to basically resume our relationship and is very excited about finding me. We have chatted on FB and have also talked for hours on the phone. Daughter #2 is being cautious. They haven't told Daughter #1 yet and we can't say anything to Daughter #3 til after her birthday next year. They are telling Daughter #1 this coming weekend. So basically that's the shortened version of my story.