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I don't know if any of you other birthmothers have struggled with this issue. Let me give you a little background information before I address the actual issue. I'm a single, white, 25 yr old, my daughter is 7 and my adoption is VERY open (enough that I stay with her while her a-parents go out of the country on vacation sometimes). She knows who I am and is happy to have 2 mommies. My daughter's birthfather is black. He has met her twice, but I haven't had contact with him at all for a few years now. I've been single for about 4 years, dating casually on and off. Mostly off. I am pretty open with people about my daughter. It isn't always easy for people to understand the adoption situation and they just can't seem to be able to figure out how to wrap their brains around it. In addition, I've been told more than once by different white men that they wouldn't date me because I have a biracial daughter.
I'm having a little trouble figuring out exactly how to handle this. Of course, I would never consider dating anyone who wasn't accepting of my relationship with my daughter or who had an issue with her racial background. However, I'm having a hard time being the victim of racism myself. Has anyone else ever encountered this problem? Anyone have any advice?
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I have not encountered this problem myself but someone on here probably has. But you will find someone who is excepts you and your daughter for who you are.
Also I thought i would bring up you are probably more likely to more responses in the birthparent support forum. I have noticed not many people come in here
((((HUGS))))
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I don't have any specific advice but I just want to tell you that I am an adoptive mom in a very open adoption with my son's other mom, and on October 15th my husband and I attended her wedding! her new husband is a great guy who has accepted her and her relationship with our son. In fact, my son adores him. In our case our child is not biracial but I would say that any guy who has an issue with that is not worth having a relationship with.
All the best to you.
I am a birthmother and I haven't even begun to heal enough to try being in a relationship yet. With that said have you thought about online dating? I know that match.com claims 1 in 4 relationships begin online. That way you can be open about you and your daughter and if they don't like it they never have to respond.
Just a thought like I said I am nowhere near to being in a place to date yet. I will agree though that any man that can't accept your daughter due to race isn't worth having in your life.
I am not a birth mom but I have been the subject of racism. I will say that you should be grateful that these boys (sorry, can't call them men) are showing you their true colors (pun intended) before you fall for them.
Surround yourself with like minded people and you will meet someone who will love you and respect your relationship with your daughter. No decent man would ever make you choose.