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I am a relative of an adopted man. I have information about his birth father that I don't know how to share with him. He knows his general info but wants to know about him as a person. He really wasn't a good guy. BUT that's my assessment of him based on how he treated me. There are certain facts that I don't know if I should share or not. Jail, abuse, etc. Do I tell everything I know, or do I be vague unless directly questioned about specific things? I wouldn't lie, but I also don't want to just give the impression that his biodad was a bad person. We all have our demons.
How to proceed?
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It seems to me that you can say basically what you've said to us. "I may not be the right person to tell you about your bdad because my relationship with him was not a good one. I will share my experiences with you if you like, please know that it is difficult for me to share things that might hurt or upset you. "
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We all have our demons but some of us act on them and some of us don't. Ending up in jail happens for a variety or reasons which don't excuse ending up in jail. There is a line that gets crossed which increases the risk of further harm. If you cross it and don't get help or become addicted and use this as an excuse to harm others then the risk to anyone who comes in contact is huge. For someone searching it becomes a drive. Knowing what you know is enough to warrant telling this person. Lay it out there. Tell him that you don't want to hurt him but you want to let him know so he can go about things with some forewarning. Think about how you would feel knowing what you know if something happened to the person searching. Then he can make his own decision. I am adopted and I would certainly want to know for my own safety. I might be disappointed even angry but in the end I would realize you did it for a reason.
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