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A bit of background info before I ask my question:
Several years ago, my husband's grandmother passed away. When he went to clear out her apartment, he found a hand-written letter, addressed to his grandmother. Reading that letter, he discovered that his mom had given birth to a daughter a few years before he was born, and she gave that baby up for adoption. He had a biological sister he'd known nothing about.
His mother had passed, his grandmother had passed, his aunt agreed to fill in what blanks she could, so he put them in touch. His sister simply wanted to know some medical information and have some questions answered. She did not want to remain in contact - no reunion. He asked me, as an adoptee, to tell him what to do? I told him he should follow her wishes. So he hasn't been in touch with her since that first discovery.
Last year, I searched for and found my own biological family. Getting to know them, being welcomed into their family, enjoying them and seeing them enjoy our young son... Now my husband doesn't have any real family to speak of, so I think it's been a bit bittersweet for him, feeling like he doesn't have any family to offer us. I guess it's been making my husband (and me, to be honest) wonder if maybe his biological sister might change her mind...
So here's what I'd appreciate some thoughts on:
Should he attempt, one time, to re-find his biological sister? Should he reach out and make sure she knows the door remains open to contact? Should he let her know she has an adorable nephew who'd love to have more family to love? Or should he stick with my initial advice, which was to back off and let the adoptee decide?
I see nothing wrong with him reaching out to her again to let her know that the door is always open.
Did his sister ask for any family pictures? If she didn't at the time, I would include some family pictures (her mother, grandparents, brother, etc.) in a clearly marked envelope. That way, she can decide whether or not she wants to see the photos (and you can include photos of her nephew, if you feel comfortable doing so).
And, maybe, he should say that he will keep her updated if his contact information changes.
He's just opening the door for her and letting her know that she's welcome. She'll still have the power to decide if she wants to get to know her b-family.
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I think she asked for a photo of her birth mother. I'm not sure if anyone ever sent her one. My husband's family didn't have much, and photos were lost one way or another through the years. We have a few of his mom and grandmother from our wedding - and I think that might be it.
I will suggest that he consider sending a few photos if he does decide to contact her. After being along for the ride on my emotional reunion rollercoaster, I know he's very wary of throwing someone else into the emotions of contact, especially after she'd already indicated she wasn't interested at the start. When he brought it up, he seemed to want to reach out, but didn't want to end up causing more harm than good...
Thanks for giving me your take on it, L4R.