Gifts from adoptive parents???

If I were in your shoes today, as I was many, many years ago, I would respond back with a "thank you, but I'm not comfortable with gifts." Gift giving and receiving, along with direct payment of expenses from hopeful adoptive parents to expectant parents considering adoption can lead to a sense of entitlement from the giver and a sense of obligation to the receiver of such gifts (In my opinion). There are numerous threads on this forum where the perceptions of mothers who choose to not place her child with hopeful adoptive parents turn from being the “brave, loving and giving “e-mom” to a scammer. As much as getting to know the people you may choose to place your child with is important, please find a good support system separate from them. As sure as you are now that you will place your child for adoption, please consider spending as much time in the hospital and even after to hold, love and consider the lifetime ramifications of placement. There is no going back once the papers are signed. Good luck to you and welcome to the forums!

Thanks Paige. I see you picked up on the obvious. The adoptive family is my support system. That's all I really have now. The baby's father is financially capable of helping me but refuses to even speak to me about the baby. I'm 23 and haven't been very open with my family about the adoption plan. I was raised without a dad and I just want this baby girl to know the love that I never had. I thank you very much for your advice. I understand how accepting gifts and clothing can cause complications in the future. I just wanted to make sure i wasn't over reacting to am innocent gesture.

Personally, I think pretty much anytime you go with your gut, no matter what the topic, you're not over reacting. If you're not comfortable receiving a gift, I'd say what Paige suggested.

I was hoping that the adoptive parents werent your complete support system. YouҒll find several postings under the adoptive parent support forums about this exact problem; hopeful adoptive parents who acted as the main support system for expecting women considering adoption who find themselves trying to extract themselves out of the relationship once an adoption is final. I truly believe that for the majority of them, they went into the relationship with great intentions but after placement of their child they just want to find time to bondӔ without the constant texts and phone calls that the childs first mother had come to rely on. I have read postings from families devastated when a woman they invested countless hours of support couldnҒt go through the adoption. The pain in their posts is hard to read, but I always wonder for each family hurt in these cases how many other women went through with relinquishment when they were having doubts because they couldnt stand the thought of hurting people with whom theyҒd come to rely. I urge you to seek out support from a friend, a trusted mentor, support groups and/or a counselor not affiliated with an adoption agency. CUB, in the link below may be able to help you find someone near you that can be a sounding board for you, attend your doctors appointments with you if you wish and otherwise help you during this tough time and continue after relinquishment if thatҒs what you choose. [url=http://www.cubirthparents.org/home/]Concerned United Birthparents, Inc.[/url] By no means am I encouraging you to drop the friendship with the couple you are considering as future parents for your unborn child; Im simply urging caution. IҒll poke around and see if I can find support groups in your area and link them back to you. Belleinblue, Ravensong and others can be a great resource here. Please continue to come back!

Thank you for your concern. I'm going to check out CUB. I can see why it's best I have support from people with non-bias opinions. I just have a hard time with the judgmental comments I get from friends who don't understand.

I do not know the laws where you are, but I can answer for me (in Canada). . .The answer is yes, any gift would be illegal, even a cup of coffee. I remember wanting to pay my own lawyer fee but was not permitted to (my lawyer would not correspond with their lawyer in any fashion without me being present). I think it varies on location. Now that does not mean I am suggesting that the PAP's you've chosen are trying to manipulate you. In all fairness, they could be taking the advice of others?? I do hope you and the PAP's have independant council (in the form of lawyer, advocate, and counsellor) who specializes in adoption. For this issue... the simple cure could be you letting them know that you do not feel comfortable in accepting gifts. But what about the next issue? And I mean that from both perspectives. :hippie:

Thank you for your advice me-n-u. I'm not too sure what you mean by "what about the next issue?" I haven't talked to the PAP since yesterday when we talked about her sending something. Now that I'm armed with good advice I'm prepared to say no and reject any offers.