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An amazing update.
I never heard back from my birth son after replying to his posting on this site in April2011. I responded once more later in the spring and still nothing.
So early this month I checked again to see if his posting was still there and it was so I decided to reply one more time
AND
he emailed me! It has been 11 days since we first reconnected and a LOT of emails.
Needless to say I am overjoyed, struggling and everything in between. We live 3000 miles apart. I am married to a wonderful man but have yet to share the reunion with him, too much to go into but I am going to tell him this weekend.
My son did not have the life I envisioned for him. His birthparents lied on their application but because the were "good churchgoing' people Catholic Charities let them adopt my son. He has had a very hard life but has become a fine man inspite of it all.
The child that left my arms so many years ago never left my heart. He knows that now and does not blame me at all.
He has asked for nothing but my love and says he never will. He would be on my doorstep in a heartbeat if I gave him the go ahead. Lots of things that have to be resolved first. I will probably see him in the spring.
His birth father passed away 30+ years ago so there is no issue there, I already shared that with him.
Thank you all for your help. I WILL keep you updated.
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Congratulations on the first of your reunion! I'm sure you have been reading a lot of posts, so remember about the "emotional rollercoaster". I understand about the part of your son not having the life you envisioned for him, my son went through the same. One thing I did too much when I found my son was I was too intense because I wondered about him every day for 24 years. So I had to back off and now he is coming to me for advice. Good luck and keep us all posted.
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The emotional roller coaster has been something I expected but WAY MORE intense than I expected.
My son is patient with me. We have spoken twice, email 2-3 times a day and text each other another few times a day. We have come to a good place in all this. We have stopped trying to 'make up for' the lost years. And we are develpoing an adult mother-child relationship which we both are comfortable with.
I spoke at length with a friend who is also a minister and her counsel helped me confide in my husband. It has not been easy for him to deal with. He is skeptical and protective of our family. I did tell him that this son is as much a child of mine as our two together so he knows some things are non-negotiable. He also knows I need to see my son again at some point.
He has cautioned me to go slow, which I am doing. I am honest with my son about my husband's reaction and he is so understanding. He assures me all he wants is me, even if it is a long distance relationship since we live on opposite sides of the country. My husband is 2 weeks behind my progress so he is still working on it. We too will get through this. We are not sharing this with our adult children yet. And that works well to alay my husband's discomfort.
My son keeps telling me 'its all good'. I still can't sign my letters/emails MOM, it doesn't feel right yet. But this wonderful work in progress has healed my soul.