frustrated scared...single mom

I remember my sister, who hates kids, asking me on a bad day if I regretted having kids. I said "yes". I have always regretted saying that as she just caught me at a bad time. I have always been a single mum, my sons are 12 and 21 now. It's been a hard life for all of us but we are really, really tight. We love each other, we laugh a lot together and we are a unit. We turn off the lights of any room we are not in and we re-use our (own) towels. But they love me and I love them and they love each other. We know how to play board games, card games and we can all cook nice meals from scratch. Eldest son is at University and youngest is at a private school because we have always known that we are it - we are a unit. If I get a break in a cash birthday present I share it in a meal out for all of us. If either of my sons gets a break they share with each other - they would share with me but I won't let them. BUT I remember crying with loneliness and boredom with my youngest. I would have given him away in a heartbeat if I could have done so. Just bear with things for a couple of years and your rewards with be a thousand fold.