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I was adopted by a family that already had a son. Apparently my adopted father didn't want to have any more kids. But she was able to persuade him to get a foster kid for awhile. Then they adopted me. Then they adopted another older kid. The natural son was about 9 years older than me. The other adopted, 2 years older than him.Basically my earliest memories at about 5 of were my parent arguing in their room. They would shut the door, but we could still hear them from the living room. I remember my father saying over and over again, "Get off my back." By the time I was 7, they were divorced. A few years later, I was the only child in the house with the angriest (though non-violent) person I've ever met. I lived in terror of her for years, the simple look on her face could make even hardened convicts cringe. Well I never really became hardened, but I did get into drugs, become much more familiar with the police and eventually did get locked up for a couple of years. So therapy as a teenager, then 7 months of rehab after being locked up, and AA/NA for years afterward. And probably some sort of anxiety disorder made worse as of 2007 when my adopted mother passed away from cancer. (and if anybody has any happy stories to tell about Xanax I'd love to hear them) Oh yeah, and for a time a rather pronounced anger problem of my own, though it's died down to smouldering embers in recent years. My adopted father passed away a few years before her, so I'm figuring that now is as good a time as any to find the birthparents.I'm kind of wondering how well this kind of story is going to be received should I find and contact my birthmother. I guess I will have to only break it to her if she REALLY wants to hear it.
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ulfsark
I was adopted by a family that already had a son. Apparently my adopted father didn't want to have any more kids. But she was able to persuade him to get a foster kid for awhile. Then they adopted me. Then they adopted another older kid. The natural son was about 9 years older than me. The other adopted, 2 years older than him.
Basically my earliest memories at about 5 of were my parent arguing in their room. They would shut the door, but we could still hear them from the living room. I remember my father saying over and over again, "Get off my back." By the time I was 7, they were divorced. A few years later, I was the only child in the house with the angriest (though non-violent) person I've ever met. I lived in terror of her for years, the simple look on her face could make even hardened convicts cringe.
Well I never really became hardened, but I did get into drugs, become much more familiar with the police and eventually did get locked up for a couple of years. So therapy as a teenager, then 7 months of rehab after being locked up, and AA/NA for years afterward. And probably some sort of anxiety disorder made worse as of 2007 when my adopted mother passed away from cancer. (and if anybody has any happy stories to tell about Xanax I'd love to hear them) Oh yeah, and for a time a rather pronounced anger problem of my own, though it's died down to smouldering embers in recent years. My adopted father passed away a few years before her, so I'm figuring that now is as good a time as any to find the birthparents.
I'm kind of wondering how well this kind of story is going to be received should I find and contact my birthmother. I guess I will have to only break it to her if she REALLY wants to hear it.
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Pretty much what we found out, except for ages, we were glad to know him, sorry he had had problems, felt guilty, but accept as is. Love him as my son, whether he feels he is mine or not. His family loves him, even w/their problems. He probably loves them, too, whether he admits it or not. If you meet her, tell her basics first, see how it's going, but if you want her to know, go ahead!
ulfsark
I was adopted by a family that already had a son. Apparently my adopted father didn't want to have any more kids. But she was able to persuade him to get a foster kid for awhile. Then they adopted me. Then they adopted another older kid. The natural son was about 9 years older than me. The other adopted, 2 years older than him.Basically my earliest memories at about 5 of were my parent arguing in their room. They would shut the door, but we could still hear them from the living room. I remember my father saying over and over again, "Get off my back." By the time I was 7, they were divorced. A few years later, I was the only child in the house with the angriest (though non-violent) person I've ever met. I lived in terror of her for years, the simple look on her face could make even hardened convicts cringe. Well I never really became hardened, but I did get into drugs, become much more familiar with the police and eventually did get locked up for a couple of years. So therapy as a teenager, then 7 months of rehab after being locked up, and AA/NA for years afterward. And probably some sort of anxiety disorder made worse as of 2007 when my adopted mother passed away from cancer. (and if anybody has any happy stories to tell about Xanax I'd love to hear them) Oh yeah, and for a time a rather pronounced anger problem of my own, though it's died down to smouldering embers in recent years. My adopted father passed away a few years before her, so I'm figuring that now is as good a time as any to find the birthparents.I'm kind of wondering how well this kind of story is going to be received should I find and contact my birthmother. I guess I will have to only break it to her if she REALLY wants to hear it.
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Be honest. Secrecy will only complicate things. Tell them you have had treatment and try to explain why you became addicted etc. Hopefully they will be understanding. It sounds like you are aware of the possibility that they might be cautious but if you are up front from the beginning the relationship will be solid. If the reunion causes emotional turmoil and it usually does they and you need to be prepared for that. Take things one step at a time. You can't change the past but you can change your behaviour from now on. Take care and good luck.