Difference in Feelings

My husband and I are currently adopting right now, I do not have the same feelings that you are having but my situation is a lil diffrent we have had baby boy since he was 2 days old. Just hang in there and try to spend spend alone time with her and really get to know her, I think the more one and one time you spend with her it will get better. good luck.

Maybe you should explore the reasons that made you want to adopt her. Goodluck to you!!!!

I have an 18-year bio daughter who was adopted by my spouse.......It was love at first sight....but over those 18 years that love has evolved and grown. We are now adopting and while it is a bit diffferent (We are so scared that someone wiill take them from us; a worry we never had with oldest daughter). Did I love them at first sight? Yes! Do I love them as much as I do my oldest? No ....I have only had them two months, I have had her for eighteen years. Do I love them more than I did two months ago? Yes, and I expect that as the years pass my love for them will continue to grow much as it did with my oldest. Could this be causing the differences? You have had bio daughter for four years, and your adopted daughter for a year. Or is there something more going on?

Bonding and attachment don't just happen, magically, just because a child is with us. With a bio child, you have all of this early bonding with snuggles and cuddles and cooing that you do with a newborn. and you have had four years with one child and only one with the other. That does make a difference. Of course your feelings are different. That's okay.

I agree w/PP. Relationships and levels of closeness change over time, and even having children from birth you have different feelings of closeness to different kids. I wouldn't worry about it too much now, but if you want to become closer - try to find ways to go about it - find more common interests, play more games together.

Give it time, that love will grow and your feeling will deepen! Of course the love might be different but you will come to love both just same but in different ways!

Hang in there! I do think the age of the child makes a difference. The two babies we've had I fell in love with FAST. Our three year old took several months. And, if I'm honest, I still don't feel as strongly towards him as I do our son who we adopted three years ago. But we've had that extra time with our older son.... and I'm confident it will happen with our 3-year-old in time. So don't beat yourself up but do see if you can find some one-on-one time with your child to increase the bonding. Good luck!!

Someone once told us "it's not instant mashed potatoes" when it comes to bonding with adopted kids. At first I thought that was absurd, but now that we are just post adoption I think I understand. We have 4 sons by birth, and just adopted a 6 year old little girl. I love her very much, but it is different from the boys. I think part of it is that she is less familiar. I'm not sure how she is thinking, or how she will react in different situations. My children by birth I have always know and I am very familiar with. I am finding that the longer we have H and the more I understand her the more deeply I embrace her. It's not instant mashed potatoes now makes sense to me.

I agree with everyone. And I'd like to add that with older children, it's harder. Their early attachments have been disrupted and it's also harder for them to bond with you. Even if they don't act it out or verbalize it, it's harder for them to trust that you love them. Give it time. I even noticed a difference between the two newborns we adopted and the 13 month old. It's normal, and as long as you are taking great care of her, you are doing a great job. You both will grow closer as time goes by.