Frustrated and could use some direction.

February 6, 2012

I will be getting married in June and my future stepson has a lot of issues that I'm trying to help with an learn about but I feel like I don't have a clue.

He is 7 and has RAD. His dad has been anti medication his whole life (and I don't blame him, I'm not a fan either), but he has recently started him on Lexapro. He is taking 5mg once a day.

He currently goes to a small school and they seem to have given up on him. He is in the 1st grade and can't seem to stay out of trouble. He get in trouble for things as minor as rolling his eyes all the way up to things as serious as hitting students and teachers and cussing. He has spent more time in In-School-Suspension then he has in regular class. He has also been suspended for the second time this school year.

I am worried how we are going to get him through school and I'm not sure where to go from here. We have tried everything we can think of but nothing seems to be helping. He seems to be getting worse.

We are hoping that the Lexapro might help with his anxiety and depression enough that we can help him through every day life.

Any and all advice and suggestions are welcome.

Sincerly,

ARmomof2

alys1

February 7, 2012

I lived with a child with RAD for 18 months, it's no picnic, people who haven't, have no idea. If he's really RAD, you need (anyone would need) the help of an excellent counselor experienced with this type of child, with attachment disorder. It's no picnic for a parent. We can't parent a RAD child in the same way as you would another child -- because normal methods do not work, do not help them. One needs to do things that will help the child to attach, many of which have been figured out, but no one person would probably figure them out on their own.

There are many talented therapists around the country who are training others to help with attachment disorder. May I suggest reading Daniel A. Hughes and Arthur Becker-Wiedman. When I read this book, I was like, "That's what I experienced!" It really helped me:

Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening Love in Deeply Troubled Children by Daniel A. Hughes

For one thing, he paints a picture of a mom who's trying to change the child who HAS an experienced therapist helping her. It's amazing. The therapist helps both the parent and the child, weekly. The parent is alway present with the child at therapy. If someone suggests therapy when you're not present, run. The point should *not* be to learn about the child's past or trauma. The point is to allow the child to bond with a parent. So either you, or the father, or both would make a commitment to go through the therapy with the child.

This book has good suggestions:

Attachment-Focused Parenting: Effective Strategies to Care for Children (Norton Professional Books) by Daniel A. Hughes (Mar 16, 2009)

Read here:

[url=http://www.dyadicdevelopmentalpsychotherapy.org/]Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy Institute[/url]

[url=http://www.dyadicdevelopmentalpsychotherapy.org/attachmentarticles.html]Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy Institute[/url]

There are many ways a child could end up with RAD, with the best intentions of all concerned. Here is a chart that shows an attachment cycle in a chart:

[url=http://www.attachmentdisorder.net/What_is_attachment_disorder.htm]Attachment Disorder Site - providing hope and support.[/url]

Even if you need to drive 1.5 hours one way to an excellent therapist, it will be worth it. A therapist who doesn't get it is a waste of time and money.