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My niece was visiting today and during the visit she asked if my mom had told me about a new couple who had started coming to her church. During the weekly bible study they were discussing Black History Month, specifically Rosa Parks. This new couple commented that they didnt see anything wrong with segregation. That it didnҒt harm anyone to have their own seats, water fountains and restrooms. I dont know if anyone spoke up about their racist views or not. Then two Sundays ago my mom took my Dd to church with her and T was being her usual friendly self and said hi to this couple and they completely ignored her. My mom didnҒt say anything to them directly but she did say out loud What are they scared they might get brown on them?Ӕ. This is the first I am hearing about any of this. The fact that my mom hasnt mentioned any of this to me really upsets me. My dh and I have already decided that as long as this couple is going to my moms church that T will not be allowed to attend with my mom. I know that this will upset my mom very much but I feel it is our jobs as parents to protect our children from ignorant people like this as long as we can. The world will intrude soon enough. I also am going to talk with her about not telling me what happened that Sunday. I donҒt think she realizes the seriousness of what happened. My thoughts are that my mom thinks that T is only 3 so she doesnt understand why this couple wouldnҒt speak to her. This is the first time T has ever been discriminated against. We live in a really diverse area. I really didnt think this would happen for a very long time. The more I think about it the more I get ticked off. Thanks for letting me vent.
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Good grief, it just astounds me that in this day and age there is still such blatant racism, especially among people who identify themselves as Christians. This white couple in your mom's church spouts the kind of crap I overheard while growing up in the 1950's and 1960's, back in the days of segregation.I was born and raised in Southern California, but all of my elder relatives and ancestors were Southerners. I spent two childhood summers down in Meridian, Mississippi, in the early 1960's during the Civil Rights Movement. The segregation was appalling and probably had a great deal to do with me becoming the first liberal in the family during my teenage years. As a beach kid from San Diego, I remember feeling so darn confused why black people had to walk on the other side of the street and have separate restrooms and drinking fountains. I knew at the age of 7 that it was very, very wrong...but try telling adults that. I still have occasional nightmares about a Klan cross-burning I witnessed one summer. If small children know it's wrong, why don't adults??
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I clearly remember twice hearing racism in my church -- the first two times I encountered it! And this was not in "the South". My parents had told us that we'd hear racist comments, but were to know they were wrong. Didn't hear it in our home.One was a father-son-daughter dinner, other fathers attending. Second, I was in high school... came from *the pulpit*. Color me ticked at the time! I stood in line to shake hands with the pastor and said something to him about it! What a jerk. At any rate, this is why I started talking to my stepson about race and racist comments when he was 4. He was half Chinese, half Caucasian, I figured he'd get looks and nasty remarks from both sides of the equation. I know that my mom pre-warning us about racist remarks helped us, even though we're white, as far as being able to deal with them when we first heard them. She had warned us we might even hear them from our older family members.I too would be *steamed* about this couple, their pathetic remarks about segregation, and what they said to Dd. Totally wise call to keep her away from that.
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My problem isn't with the initial statement (ignorant, sure.. but you can't educate if people don't speak up)... Its with the lack of a response (if there was none).
As for the possibly snubbing, again - the ignoring could be racial.. or it could be people avoiding kiddos in general, or one of a million other things. The MIL response made me cringe, as it only draws your kiddo's attention to the possible activity. Better to either directly interact with them.. or even better, deal with them when the child's not present. Any chance you might be able to coach your MIL?
I just spent the week with my god daughter. It reminded me of the years of these sorts of interactions. Her mom did a great job subtly, but firmly, putting the shame where if deserved - with the racists.
Good luck
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Yuck. I sincerely hope that someone spoke up when that couple was singing the praises of segregation!
I had an uncomfortable exchange with a woman at church shortly after we were home with J. She kept asking what his "nationality" was, and she excitedly exclaimed that even her single son could get one of "those." :grr:
That being said, it doesn't keep me from church. I have to remind myself that churches are full of sinners just like the outside world. We have so many people at church who love us and J. I wouldn't give it up because of one bad experience or two racist people. Of course, I wouldn't allow my child to continue to be subject to blatant racism either, so it's a hard choice.
To be honest I have found some of the most bigoted, racist people I have ever seen claim to be 'God's people'. The Bible is often used as 'proof' that 'God' meant for 'each to be with his own kind' , not unevenly yoked, etc.
When my kids were younger and they asked me about God and what color he was- I told them he was the color of water --
Back when segregation was still fresh in people's minds, I had a wonderful Latin teacher who also headed the local Youth Good Neighbor Council. Although she looked like the stereotypical old-fashioned single old lady, she gave us some tough-a** advice.
Basically, she said that if we were on a bus or somewhere, and a person made a remark about someone's race or religion or national origin, we should say, loudly enough to be heard, "What an UN-AMERICAN thing to say!" In those days, a lot of adults were very concerned about not appearing unpatriotic and such, (because of memories of Joe McCarthy and anti-Communist witch hunts), so linking hate speech with lack of patriotism was a really good idea.
She did say, of course -- since we were junior high and high school students -- that it was OK to avoid this sort of confrontation if there was high risk that someone might hurt us, or if our parents didn't want us going so public with our beliefs. But she made it clear that, if our parents approved and we recognized the risks, it would be truly a good thing to do.
I think we all learned an important lesson from her, whether or not we actually had to try this approach when we were so young. Hate speech and hateful behavior flourish when no one speaks up in opposition. And rather than waiting for someone else to speak up, we should be proactive in doing so.
Your Mom was great, making that sarcastic remark about brown. To be even more effective, the next time such a remark is heard in her church, maybe she should try, "WHAT AN UNCHRISTIAN THING TO SAY!"
Sharon
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sak9645
Back when segregation was still fresh in people's minds, I had a wonderful Latin teacher who also headed the local Youth Good Neighbor Council. Although she looked like the stereotypical old-fashioned single old lady, she gave us some tough-a** advice.
Basically, she said that if we were on a bus or somewhere, and a person made a remark about someone's race or religion or national origin, we should say, loudly enough to be heard, "What an UN-AMERICAN thing to say!" In those days, a lot of adults were very concerned about not appearing unpatriotic and such, (because of memories of Joe McCarthy and anti-Communist witch hunts), so linking hate speech with lack of patriotism was a really good idea.
She did say, of course -- since we were junior high and high school students -- that it was OK to avoid this sort of confrontation if there was high risk that someone might hurt us, or if our parents didn't want us going so public with our beliefs. But she made it clear that, if our parents approved and we recognized the risks, it would be truly a good thing to do.
I think we all learned an important lesson from her, whether or not we actually had to try this approach when we were so young. Hate speech and hateful behavior flourish when no one speaks up in opposition. And rather than waiting for someone else to speak up, we should be proactive in doing so.
Your Mom was great, making that sarcastic remark about brown. To be even more effective, the next time such a remark is heard in her church, maybe she should try, "WHAT AN UNCHRISTIAN THING TO SAY!"
Sharon
For what it's worth, we attended "Liberian Sunday" at the church where Matthew's grandpa is minister. There was a Liberian seminary student who spoke and after the service there was a program on Global Missions, including some video taken at the Liberian hospital where my wife volunteered and found Matthew. It was coincidence on the film, but not on the message as Matthew's Grandpa and he are crazy about each other and having a pulpit to spread the right message doesn't hurt one bit :)