single with no kids

Single NJ Mom here. Not sure I'm exactly what you are looking for as my son was 15 at placement. Good luck with your journey.

I'm also a single NJ foster/adopt mom...I have funny stories, ups/downs, heartbreak. But I'm too exhausted to share (hahahaha). Welcome and good luck. Its am amazing journey.

I am also single. I've been licensed one year and still have my first placement (see my signature below for details). For the most part, I've been very pleasantly surprised by how positive my experience has been with DYFS. My kids got an amazing CW assigned to their case in Dec. and she been wonderful. There are the occasional, annoying bureaucratic hassles but I expected much worse. I've read a lot on these blogs and I've read a lot of NJ appellate court decisions on appeals by bio parents of TPR decisions. I think everything has been happening pretty much as I expected on my kids' case. Even knowing what to expect, the emotional ups and downs have been really hard (for me and the kids). I can't stand "limbo" and I'm sure the kids like it even less. It's a real mind-game - one minute you have to plan camp and vacation and make summer plans (there's no "wait and see" or "one day at a time" when getting your kids into summer child care) and the next minute you're wondering if you should pull some old suitcases out of storage and start packing up toys they haven't been using so you have a head start on when (if?) they leave. One of my kids' schools ends this year (the school only goes to a certain grade) and I have absolutely no idea which school or school system he will be in next year. There are so many factors which can change in a second. There's nothing anyone can do about it but it's hard....every discussion about future plans has to start with "IF you're still with me when . . . ." The biggest negative so far has been the whole "E-Childcare" nightmare....don't even get me started. My only advice is know what you want and stick to it. Don't be afraid to say "no" as many times as you need to (they WILL CALL AGAIN!). Stick to your age range, stick to your max. # of children and keep in mind, that any child or children you say "yes" to could be with you for a very, very long time so make sure it's a good fit (as much as you can, in advance). Obviously, if you're getting into it to adopt that's not a bad thing (it's not a bad thing for me either) but I'm kicking myself for not having done just a few more home improvement projects before getting licensed. I can't even fathom trying to re-paint some bedrooms or stain the deck this spring with my little guys in the house :) I should have stained the deck last spring!!! Good luck!!!

thanks for the reply. it must be hard with two boys dealing with school, camp... i am actually in a studio condo so i would have a newborn to 2 year old. it's fantastic that you were able to take a pair of brothers. they are so lucky that they have you and eachother. funny you mention wishing you did some home projects prior. i was wondering if maybe i should take a brief trip to europe prior to fostering just as a little me time before the madness. i didn't even make it through the homestudy or licensing but other than my place being small which they are aware of i think i should do fine. i obviously have no idea how long it would take to even get a call let alone a child that's a match. how has your family responded? have you dated since you began fostering? i too thought i might do respite care or care for the just taken in little ones until they get placed while i was waiting to start actually fostering myself. did they give you names of other foster parents in the area in case you needed safe and quick childcare? are you somewhat squared away with childcare now?

Dating? What's dating? :o If I were you, I'd go to Europe! You won't get the chance later. I don't know how quickly you'll get a call.....I got licensed a lot more quickly than I expected and then I heard nothing for months. I truly believe that it took some time for my "file" to make it from licensing into the database (or onto someone's desk) at the local DYFS office. Once it did, the calls started and they haven't stopped. They try to talk me into taking more kids ("you're licensed for FOUR" they say). I reply "you might as well change my license because I'm NEVER taking four kids. They don't give you the names of other foster parents. You have to find them on your own (I met others through these boards and in PRIDE training and at some of the foster family events). My family has been great but they don't live close enough to be "emergency" contacts or anything (I put DYFS as an emergency contact on a lot of the school forms and things). I found babysitters through neighbors and have resigned myself to paying $15 per hour every time I want a little "me" time. It would have to be a really good prospective date for me to shell out $100+ to a babysitter for an evening out :p Do you work? How would you be able to take a newborn? Daycares won't take them until 6 weeks. I know a foster mom who just had a weekend respite placement baby but if you get a baby for a week-long respite, most daycares won't let you just "drop in" with the baby and then drop back out again. If you've got a lot of options for child care and/or a really flexible job, you'll be fine. If you have neither, you should start calling daycares in your area and asking if 1) they have a contract with Child Care resources; 2) if they have availability for 0-2 year olds; and 3) if you can pick up an application. Keep the application handy so you're ready to go when you finally get a placement. You'll need immunization records but not much else. Good luck!!!

My daycare takes newborn foster children. In fact, they just had a baby there who started at just 4 days old!!! Its not the best case scenario to put a newborn in daycare, of course, but there are some who take babies younger than 6 weeks. I took FMLA when my son came to me at 10 days. Foster parents are entitled to up to 12 weeks when a new child is placed. Good luck!

I'm single, from NJ and a former foster parent (now a mom thru private adoption). I had many heartaches with DYFS but also a lot of joy. Biggest heartbreak was my FS returning to his family after being w me for four years (21 mos to 6). But, I really do believe it was all in God's plan. Good luck!

foster2forever, haha, i ask about dating as if i have big and exciting things going on now. ahh, no:) i was just curious. it took me over 2 months to get a resource worked after i put in my application so i am not expecting anything to quickly. now that i have a worker i am feeling like i am at least moving forward now. i think i may take a trip just for the heck of it if i can. when i first spoke to my worker she said there was someone who is also licensed right here where i live and that she would put us in touch with eachother but i have no idea who they are at this point. i do have family close by to help but you are so right...it would have to be prince charming if i were to spend $100 for a night out. i do work but part time. i am off for the summer other than three weeks of camp that i run at a local college. i can't imagine i would have a placement before the summer and i am pretty sure i could work something out for those 3 weeks. i'm not to worried about child care. would you like to adopt the boys? thanks so much for the feedback!

Dating? Hahaha! But at least I'm never lonely since there seems to be a 5-year-old following me everywhere. To the bathroom, etc. I didn't know so many of you guys were single. Holla!

randomreality, i read your foster/adoption history at the bottom of your post and it sounds like an amazing experience for you so far. i can picture your little man following you around. it sounds great! i'm so excited to get this all going. i have my first homestudy tomorrow. yippie!