Nine years in and still working at it....

Hey all, just wanted to share my little story with you. I've "always" known I was adopted, my adoptive parents never tried to keep it from me. It honestly never bothered me while I was growing up, I had several adopted cousins so it never seemed all that "strange" to me. In fact, when I was younger I was almost militant about not knowing anything about my birthparents; perhaps "defensive" would be a better term. But that changed as I got older, especially after my adoptive father died in 1999. I was in my thirties by that point and I began to think about it more often. A few years later I was poking around in my adoption papers and realized for the first time that my "birth name" was never redacted from the documents and that was really the impetus that got the whole ball rolling for me. The curiosity just became too much, I guess you'd say, plus I was getting older and I realized that if I waited much longer I might miss the opportunity altogether. I was 37 years old when I started my reunion search in earnest in 2003. At first I had no clue whatsoever as to what I was doing. My online searches revealed families with my birth name (not particularly common) all over the country with numerous possible candidates, some already deceased. In fact, there were possible candidates living in the very city I was born in, which blew my mind (turned out they were no relation at all). I had no other real option other than to contact the agency responsible for my records which turned out to be Catholic Charities in NJ. I had no idea what to expect, I'd read horror stories about dealing with these agencies regarding records, but the person I dealt with at CC couldn't have been more helpful. I applied for my non-ID info, but I didn't tell her that I already knew my birth mother's last name until after she acquired the info for me. Getting that info was the second-best moment of the search for me, it was totally mind-blowing to finally know my nationality, the details of my birth and the little info I was given regarding my birth parents. Just amazing. Armed with this new information, I started digging around. Incredibly enough, my birthmother was actually named after her parents, first and middle name. This led me to her mother's obit, where I discovered her married name and her hometown...and also learned that she had another son who had a son of his own as well. One Google search later and I was staring at a satellite pic of her house (lol) and her address and phone number. I was freaking to put it mildly. I contacted CC again and told my caseworker what I found and after verifying my info for me she agreed to initiate contact via a letter. My birthmother called CC shortly thereafter and agreed to talk to me. I called her and we chatted for hours, then she invited me to her house for a proper reunion. Her husband has died a few years before and her son lived in another state, aside from her aunt (who raised her) absolutely no one ever knew about me. It was really a fabulous day, she told me pretty much everything and I got the feeling she'd been waiting a long time to finally open up about the circumstances that led her to place me. On the birthfather side I wasn't quite as fortunate. He died all the way back in 1973 and getting much information on him hasn't been easy. I did locate his sister and wrote her, but I never received a reply. I did discover that he was adopted as well, oddly enough. I still look for info on him in the hopes of possibly obtaining a photo, but thus far no luck. I never told my adoptive mom about it. I've wanted to sometimes, but there's a loyalty there that's kept me from doing so. My adopted sister died a few years ago too and I just don't want to drop so much heaviness on her at this point. Maybe this is wrong in some people's eyes but I don't know, it just feels like the right thing to do for me. My birthmother and I have had a very good relationship since then. I'd describe us as friends now and it's been a friendship that's meant a lot to me. there were a few rocky months early on, when the emotion of the whole thing became a bit much for her but she's gotten over it and we talk and see one another fairly regularly. Honestly the similarities between us never cease to astound me, totally surreal and reassuring at the same time. The one sticking point in the whole thing so far is her son, my "half-brother". She's had a delicate relationship with him since his father died and she also doesn't get along with his wife, so she's been very reluctant to tell him about me. I've agreed to not initiate any contact with him without her OK although I'd really like to make it happen eventually. After all this time, almost nine years to be exact, I'm still working on it LOL. It bothers me a bit at times, but I suppose I shouldn't complain as I've been extremely fortunate in how well my reunion has gone thus far. No, it hasn't been all rainbows and roses but all in all I cannot complain. Best of luck to my fellow adoptees out there, keep your head up and follow your heart.