attachment disorder

I would just try to keep in touch with family,that raised u,and maybe therapy.I felt the same way growing up,missed out,because I didn't see them for years,after I became an adult.They seem my on Face book and befriend me,ofcourse I accepted,but I'm noticing how much, this family cared about me,how much I messed out on.Hopfully more people can give u better answeres.

I don't have attachment issues (though i don't trust most people either), but I have found that you just have to tell that inner voice to be quiet and take the risk to trust someone with your emotions, feelings, thoughts, etc. Really, you just have to force yourself until it becomes natural. I look at it this way: you can live life in a cave or you can be like Wil E. Coyote (yes I know, Wil E. Coyote wasn't the hero). What I mean is Wil E. never gave up trying to catch that roadrunner, though things would blow up in his face, he'd crash, etc., he never gave up. I have looked at life and approaching relationships like this, I take the risk of connecting, a large percentage of the time the connection has blown up in my face, but a small percentage it hasn't and it's for that small percentage of success that made all the blow ups worth it.

Those of us who have been through adoption sometimes have feelings that we struggle with in terms of relationships to people.Sometimes it may involve trust issues. Some of us may feel that if we shared our story, we would be different from people that were important to us - they might look at us differently. Or we would feel ashamed because we had been through a deep emotional experience.If your story is something you don't want to share, I would not share it. Mainly because once you share it, you will have to answer many questions - whereas if it remains in your head it will be safe and you may never have any feelings of not being able to relate 100% to your peers. Also once you share your story, there is no guarantee they will "get it." And that may bring about more questions.When I was young I lived in a small town where everyone knew I was adopted. That caused a great deal of shame on my part.Once I moved away, no one knew, and it was easy to be an equal with friends. I did continue to keep them at arms length, but they never knew my story.I wish you the best.

Coyote wasn't the hero). What I mean is Wil E. never gave up trying to catch that roadrunner, though things would blow up in his face, he'd crash, etc., he never gave up. I have looked at life and approaching relationships like this, I take the risk of connecting, a large percentage of the time the connection has blown up in my face, but a small percentage it hasn't and it's for that small percentage of success that made all the blow ups worth it.:banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana:

Therapy therapy therapy! I have come so far in the last year alone while speaking with a counselor once a week or so (every two weeks now). I have had the same problems as you my whole life, mostly in my close friendships and even more so in my relationships with men. I still have work to do, probably always will who knows. But the progress I have made by just being open to the changes I want in my life has been nothing short of amazing. I found a counselor who specializes in adoption/adoptees and luckily my first try she was a good fit for me (not the case in the past, just look until you find someone good). It's just been amazing to hear her point of view and to tease out all these issues. I know therapy might not be for everyone but at least just be open to exploring yourself. I know how this feels so be patient, remember who you are, and be strong!

Hi I have had issues with Attachment for Years Since i was about 15 Where i Learned more about what happened with Me and My Birthparents. Basicly from the day i was born My parents did not treat me well, I received servere neeglect and was fed boiling water for six months and left in a dirty nappy for 7 hours receiving rashes, I was never taken to hospitl if i was sick or given medicine my parents could not look after me . to be fair to my mother she had learning difficultes so found it hard to cope with her own care! My Father Was an alocholic who drank rather than cared> My Mother then Moved in with My Se dad who turn to Social workers saying "not my Kids i don't want to look after themI was put in a childrens home and foster care for the Next two years So thats my Story So in terms of My current attachments i find it hard to relate and trust my aparents to a greater degree i find it hard to alow them in to many of my problems, this is the same with my randparents. I juust want my family ut the way as i feel they going o abandon me like my bpaents. My Whole life is spent testing the onnection with them to see if it is true and if they get toclose I push them away again. In terms of My frends which i pleased to say i have uite a few. But My best Friend i had issues with recently, i have become to close to her, No respecting her problems and Contacting her every minute of the day, About all my problems. She has her own life to lead and does not need to listen to old me going on 24/7. I need to trust myself to become friend rather than a patint i want to be a good friend almost family but daily my sub conious self goesthrough doubt, guuilt untrustyworthness, i feel she hates but i know she loves me In the past i have had GFs But it has gone he same way as above. I don't want to live my life alone But if i do not deal with these issues thats all i can see for myself :grr:

Foxes, That is horrible about your early childhood. I'm sorry you had to deal with all of that. It's easier said than done to remember these things are not our fault. What you said about your current and possible future relationships was haunting to me because it's always the same for me. I constantly test everyone who is close to me. I find the more I love someone, the more I test and push. All of my relationships fail, and AS WE SPEAK today I am fighting with my boyfriend, pushing him away because he wanted to talk about the future. I push so I can leave before I am abandoned again. It's the most frustrating and tiring life, and it gives me such headaches. I'm sorry you're dealing with the same thing, I know from experience that it's not fun. But my therapy has helped so much. I have a long ways to go but sometimes hearing you admit these things out loud lets you tease out the core of the issues. I'll probably be in therapy for a long time but I'm happy to have it in my life. I guess I just feel frustrated, like everyone else here I'm guessing.

Dear March You are quite right in hat you sayy i do feel very frustrated that i cannot relate topeople easily i just want to push them away people in my life to often want to push me on and into the futurei want help with stuff but i draw a line in the sand and want no help. Myclose friends i love dealy but i get into a mess when i can trust them more than my parents because i just cannot trust the adult populsation older people suck like my bparents what sort of thearpy are you getting as it sounds like my cup of tea. as i also wanted to deal with the core of what happended to me but do not know all the facts of what happened to me. i somtimes my bparents are comming back for me hurt me again its time to hit this at the core lcfcfoxes